Cryptonews

On a Wednesday, as the clock ticked like a cursed neighbor’s grandfather clock, Leap Therapeutics (now Cypherpunk Technologies!) Picasso-rebranded itself into colors no one asked for. With a flair for numbers that would befuddle a spreadsheet, they now claim ownership of 1.25% of all ZEC. Their ambition? To hoard at least 5% of the total ZEC supply. Coincidentally, this is also the point where privacy becomes a myth and paranoia becomes your new best friend.

The structure, of course, remains as confirmed as a society divorce, but the clustering of signals is stronger than a gin and tonic at high tea. 🍸

Behold, dear reader, a tale of chaos and capriciousness! In a realm where algorithms dance with greed and code whispers sweet nothings to wallets, Hyperliquid-a name once whispered with reverence-now lies in tatters, clutching a $4.9 million wound inflicted by the whimsical POPCAT token. A puppet show, no doubt, orchestrated by a jester clad in hexadecimal robes.

Crypto trading activity, that unpredictable flibbertigibbet, fortified its resolve in October. Centralized exchanges (CEXs), those paragons of self-importance, celebrated not-insignificant gains in both spot and derivatives markets. According to Wu Blockchain and Coingecko/Similarweb, an alliance as unlikely as Wilde collaborating with a tax accountant.

The esteemed Cleartoken Depository Limited, situated in the bustling heart of London, was granted by the Financial Conduct Authority the sacred right to operate a Delivery-versus-Payment settlement system, a mechanism that nets and settles trades in cryptoassets, stablecoins, and fiat currencies. This momentous event was declared on the 11th day of November, 2025, a date that shall be etched in the annals of financial history. The service, ever vigilant, shall operate round the clock, centralizing the management of instructions, thereby diminishing the specter of settlement risk and the burdensome need for prefunding among institutional participants. 🔄⚖️

Gemini’s Winklevoss-that name still carries a certain… resonance, doesn’t it?-has unveiled Cypherpunk. It’s a rebranding of Leap Therapeutics, naturally. All funded by a hefty injection of Winklevoss Capital’s money. The rather audacious goal? To collect Zcash. Privacy-flavored, naturally. One wonders if he’s building a fort. 🏰

In a move that would make even the most jaded NFT collector chuckle, they announced a merger so bold that it could only be described as a miracle-or a desperate attempt to stay relevant. Behold, the creation of Aero, a single exchange to rule them all, bringing liquidity, scalability, and perhaps a dash of humor to the chaos.

Apparently, HSBC’s top traders, Vincent Domien and Mathew O’Neill-who undeniably look like they know their way around a gold bar-are heading to Tether. Sources whisper that these two have already waved goodbye to HSBC, allegedly over a cup of tea and a few secret handshakes. Or maybe just their hefty compensation packages. Either way, hello, shiny new toys! 🏦💼

Enter the cup-and-handle pattern. It’s the caffeine-powered brunch staple of technical trading: you make a round-bottomed cup, sip delicately, then drop the handle and pretend it’s a strainer for chaos. According to Levi, a crypto crusader who clearly just enjoys making graphs look like haircuts, XRP’s chart is currently in the “handle” phase. If it breaks above the upper boundary, we’re allegedly in a $5 zone. Levi says it like it’s a prophecy. I say it’s the financial equivalent of expecting your avocado toast to fix inflation.

In a shocking turn of events, the crypto exchange Coinbase (Nasdaq: COIN) announced on November 12 that it would be leaving the state of Delaware – yes, the tiny, tax-friendly state that has been home to so many of America’s corporations – and reincorporating in Texas. If you’re wondering what prompted this drastic change, well, brace yourself: it’s all part of a master plan to advance “economic freedom.” Because nothing says economic freedom like moving to a state that has enough space for both a booming tech scene and an entire rodeo.