Cryptonews

In a shocking turn of events, the crypto exchange Coinbase (Nasdaq: COIN) announced on November 12 that it would be leaving the state of Delaware – yes, the tiny, tax-friendly state that has been home to so many of America’s corporations – and reincorporating in Texas. If you’re wondering what prompted this drastic change, well, brace yourself: it’s all part of a master plan to advance “economic freedom.” Because nothing says economic freedom like moving to a state that has enough space for both a booming tech scene and an entire rodeo.

The tides that once seemed to favor Deaton have turned like a bad investment. Last time, the crypto market was a shimmering mirage; this time, it’s a cold, calculating reality. Now he faces Ed Markey, the seasoned senator who’s seen more elections than a weathered barn. 🧠

“Once, the safeguard lay in the sanctity of one’s private key, the sacred seed phrase. But now, in this era of dread, the specter of the Big Scary Quantum Computer (BSQC) looms. The public key, once a mere shadow, now becomes a target. For the Taproot addresses, those modern bastions of ‘bc1p,’ they do not conceal the public key; they parade it, a beacon for the quantum wolves. 🐺” 🧠

Behold, the alchemy of rebranding: from the earnest, lab-coated world of biotech to the shadowy realm of Cypherpunk Technologies (Nasdaq: CYPH). With a flourish, they declared their treasury allegiance to Zcash (ZEC), that enigmatic token of the Zcash protocol, as though privacy itself had become the new elixir of life.

Behold, the masses shall now gaze upon their screens, not merely to witness the ebb and flow of stocks, but to partake in the grand theater of human folly-predicting elections, inflation, and the very fate of nations. And all this, my dear reader, in real-time. For what is life but a series of bets, placed by the blind upon the uncertain? 🎲

Apparently, on-chain data is spilling the tea, and it’s piping hot. Mister Crypto (yes, that’s his name, and no, I didn’t make it up) says ETH is slipping out of exchanges like me out of a boring meeting. 📉 Even when ETH hit its all-time high, the trend was still “see ya, exchanges!” 👋 This isn’t just a trend; it’s a full-on lifestyle change. Less sell-off risk? Check. More confidence? Double check. Long-term conviction? Honey, they’re in it for the long haul. 💍

Spain, ever the trailblazer in bureaucratic absurdity, has declared war on chaos by appointing Prosegur Crypto to manage its seized digital assets. The Ministry of the Interior, a department known for its love of red tape, now entrusts Prosegur with the noble task of safeguarding crypto hoarded by Spain’s State Security Forces. One can only imagine the paperwork involved in securing a digital asset that exists only as a string of numbers.

BlackRock’s iShares Bitcoin Trust (IBIT) snatched up a hefty $224.2 million – talk about making it rain. Fidelity and Ark Invest weren’t shy either, but who doesn’t love a good ol’ financial tug-of-war? 💰

Our beleaguered BTC faced a humiliating rejection at $104,000-like a suitor turned away at the manor gates-and slunk back to $102K with all the dignity of a wet cat. Should it close below this fragile threshold, the inevitable descent to $98K will commence, a level now trembling like a maiden aunt at a heavy metal concert 🎸.

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