According to the company’s blog (a modern-day manifesto of promises), SKR is to be a governance and incentive token. For whom, you ask? Why, for the toilers of the digital realm-users, builders, and operators of the platform. A token to rule them all, or so the fairy tale goes. 🧙♂️📜
Mr. Oreshkin, with all the serious gravitas of a man announcing the end of the world, claims that tens of thousands of Bitcoins “effectively flow abroad”-though how exactly they do that without crossing a border is a puzzle for the ages, or at least for the next cryptic memo from the Kremlin. Industry estimations have Russian miners producing somewhere in the vicinity of 55,000 Bitcoin in 2023, with a sad little rebound to about 35,000 in 2024, all while generating close to a billion rubles a day. A tidy sum, but still a far cry from “big country” status, unless you’re counting digital sheep.
But wait! The saga continues. With a flourish worthy of a stage magician, they’ve staked 425,000 HYPE tokens ($14.5 million) across three wallets, as if declaring, “Behold, my loyalty to the blockchain is as deep as my pockets!” 🪙✨ Is this strategic repositioning, or merely a desperate attempt to outshine their rivals in a game of crypto one-upmanship? Only time will tell, though I suspect the answer lies in the glittering allure of their balance sheet. 🚀
Lo and behold, a whopping $350 billion has waltzed back into the ring! 💰 That’s enough liquidity to make even the Fed’s QT look like a tea party. 🫖 Analysts, ever the optimists, are now whispering sweet nothings about the next easing cycle. But hold your horses, folks-has sentiment truly swung from hope to greed? Without that, a bull run is about as likely as a sober night in Ankh-Morpork. 🐂🚫
The Coinbase Premium Index, that barometer of investor sanity, has flipped from negative to positively giddy, suggesting that U.S. investors, those paragons of rationality, have finally regained their composure. A marvel, truly, when one considers the chaos of recent weeks.
Once upon a time, Larry Fink thought Bitcoin was little more than a glorified money-laundering scheme. Fast forward a few years, and now he’s overseeing the world’s largest Bitcoin ETF at BlackRock. Surprise! Apparently, he had a “soul-searching” moment during Covid-by which we mean, he met some crypto advocates, and his views suddenly flipped like a pancake on Sunday morning. Now, he calls Bitcoin “an asset of fear,” bought by people who are either scared of their money losing value or worried about the apocalypse. No biggie.
Following our Introduction, posted last week, today’s adventure is Part I of our multi-article saga: Is Crypto a Security? Spoiler: It’s about as clear as mud, but we’re diving in anyway. 🌊🔍
One must confess, dear reader, that such predictions are as reliable as the weather in Bath-though infinitely more entertaining. At present, Bitcoin lingers near $93,000, having previously flirted with $126,000 before remembering its place. Will it rise to Mr. Garlinghouse’s lofty expectations, or shall it, like so many young ladies at a ball, find itself disappointed? Only time-and perhaps a dash of folly-will tell. 🎩
Hernández, who’d been sentenced to 45 years for turning his country into a cocaine conveyor belt (because nothing says “leadership” like playing air traffic control for drug cartels 🛫🚯), walked free thanks to Trump’s holiday spirit. Prosecutors had accused him of helping traffickers move “hundreds of tons of cocaine,” but hey, maybe he just really loves bulk purchases? 🛒
On the second day of December, in a year that somehow still exists, Franklin Templeton declared-with the solemnity of a drunken town crier-that its Franklin Crypto Index ETF (Cboe: EZPZ, because why make it easy?) had decided to embrace chaos. No longer content with the staid company of bitcoin and ether, the ETF now rolls with the likes of XRP, SOL, DOGE (because memes are serious business), ADA, XLM, and LINK (the token, not the hero of Hyrule).