At press time, Bitcoin was trading at $88,326, a meager 0.6% rise over the past 24 hours. Over the last week, the price hath oscillated between $86,979 and $90,064, a dance of indecision that hath left even the most seasoned investors in a state of confusion. On a longer view, Bitcoin ended the year 6.7% lower, a most unflattering performance, and remains a full 30% below its October peak of $126,080. 📈
Ah, the Trust Wallet browser extension-temporarily exiled from the Google Chrome Web Store, much like a sinner banished to Siberia. The disruption, you see, was caused by an update meant to aid the poor souls robbed on Christmas Day. But alas! The Chrome Store, in its infinite bureaucratic wisdom, spat out the update like a spoiled blini. Now, users wander the digital streets, extension-less, clutching their empty wallets and muttering curses.
Technical charts are throwing us a little hope, showing a bullish divergence-basically, the crypto version of “Your ex texts you again after ghosting.” Meanwhile, on-chain signals are saying, “Hey, maybe sell pressure is losing its grip.” Or at least that’s what we tell ourselves to sleep better. 😴✨
Zeberg, our very own Crypto Cassandra, took to X to warn that Bitcoin isn’t just having a bad day-it’s full-on gaslighting investors. “It’s not a healthy expansion phase,” he declared, “it’s a pre-crash party nobody invited you to.” Spoiler: the music’s about to stop, and the DJ is already running for the hills 🏃♂️🔥.
Of course, we needed a Spot XRP ETF to legitimize this whole crypto circus. Franklin Templeton, bless their 1947-era socks, launched the Franklin XRP Trust-ticker: XRPZ. It’s like crypto, but with a middleman who charges fees! The ETF is a “grantor trust” (translate: we put your money in a box and call it sophisticated). Custody handled by Coinbase Custody Trust Company, because obviously that’s trustworthy. Administered by BNY Mellon, because they’ve spilled more coffee than you’ve earned on crypto. But hey, it’s “regulated quality” now. Hooray!
Of course, everyone’s like, “What the hell just happened?” 🤷♂️ Because, you know, crypto logic is about as clear as my chances of winning a marathon. 🏃♂️💨
According to the wise sages at Farside Investors, the 11 spot Bitcoin ETFs amassed $21.4 billion in net inflows. But alas, not all funds shared in the glory. Grayscale’s GBTC, the fallen hero, suffered $3.9 billion in outflows, dragging its peers into a combined $3.1 billion loss for the year. A tale of triumph and tragedy! 🎭
Why stablecoins, you ask? Well, the RBI thinks they’re like intergalactic ninjas, stealthily posing risks to financial stability and monetary sovereignty. Forget them! They’re practically counterfeiters in a digital world, failing in the three sacred principles of money: singleness, elasticity, and, oh yes, integrity! 🚫
In the latest episode of “Crypto, the Bored Edition,” analytics firm Santiment took to X (formerly Twitter-because why not make things more confusing?) to spill the tea on the sector’s dwindling trading activity. Turns out, the total tokens involved in trading over the past week are now as hush-hush as my New Year’s resolutions. 📉
