This little venture comes hot on the heels of IBIT’s U.S. success, where it amassed a staggering $98 billion in assets and generated $240 million in fees-because Wall Street loves a good cash cow. Clearly, BlackRock sees Bitcoin as the new black in institutional portfolios. How très chic.
Crypto’s liquidation feast exceeds $1.3 billion on Nov. 4, 2025. | Source: Coinglass
MARA’s revenue soared 92% year-over-year to a whopping $252 million in Q3 of 2025. That’s right, folks-huge leap from a $125 million loss to a cool $123 million in net income. No big deal, just casually reversing a quarter-billion-dollar deficit, right? Meanwhile, Hut 8 doubled its revenue to $83.5 million, with a nice little profit of $50.6 million to keep things spicy. 🍕
Fulcrum’s crypto-backed lending service is basically your new best friend, giving you a way to earn interest on your “I swear I’ll HODL” assets instead of letting them hang out in the digital corner. Want to borrow against your crypto stash? Done. You’re basically banking with a Swiss watch-timeless and reliable. 🕰️
The wider altcoin realm, poor cousin to BTC’s tragic grandeur, trembled in its wake. Ethereum, XRP, BNB, and Solana-all noble in their own right-were dragged into the abyss, their collective worth shedding $400 billion like a sinner casting off sin. A baptism of fire, or perhaps just a very cold bath. 🚿🔥
Another stablecoin bites the dust, wobbling off its $1 throne like a tipsy uncle at a wedding. 🥴
The breakdown? Q2: $16.4B. Q3: $12.8B. Because nothing says “financial stability” like a 22% drop in volume. But hey, the stars aligned for S&P 500, NASDAQ-100, and Tesla contracts-because nothing says “I’ve made all my life choices correctly” like betting on Elon’s latest tweet. 🚀
“Speculative schemes!” he cries, his voice echoing through the halls of financial prudence. “The administration, in its infinite wisdom, has chosen to chase the chimeras of the digital realm rather than the solid, unyielding embrace of gold!” One can almost hear the clinking of coins in his pocket as he speaks, a reminder of his unwavering devotion to the metal that has, in his eyes, never betrayed. 🪙✨
A whale, once vanished, now hoards 800.19 BTC ($85.51M) from OKX and Binance, as if saying, “Let’s play 2025’s version of musical chairs.”
Strategy Inc., the grand maestro of financial acrobatics, has announced a new financing plan. Behold, 3.5 million shares of preferred stock, christened STRE, a Euro-denominated instrument as sharp as a razor and twice as risky. What’s the purpose, you ask? To hoard more Bitcoin, of course! Because nothing says “future” like a digital asset that swings wilder than a pendulum in a storm. 🌪️
