Cryptonews

These big fancy asset managers – they’re moving trillions (with a “T”, not an “M”!) around like they’re auditioning for a financial Fast & Furious sequel – and yet, somehow, they’re doing half of it with software that was cool back when Seinfeld was on the air. You got spreadsheets here, Excel there, some guy probably named Keith emailing “capital calls” like he’s inviting people to a Tupperware party. Hey, Keith, you wanna send me a fax while you’re at it? Maybe throw in a carrier pigeon? 🐦💸

Now, this is the first time Bahrain has clear regulations on stablecoins. The CBB intends to ensure that stablecoins are fully backed by real money. It hence demands that those who are issuing maintain a 1:1 reserve ratio. This implies that a stablecoin should be covered by an equivalent balance in money or quality liquid assets.

Ripple Labs, in their infinite wisdom, has applied for a US banking license. Could this be the spark that sends XRP soaring to $2.65? We shall see.

This curious development, akin to a summer breeze on a winter’s night, has left many an observer agog with wonder. As the lawmakers of the land toil to impose order upon the unruly realm of stablecoins, AMINA has boldly taken the lead, like a brave pioneer charting unexplored territories. 🚀

When 77% of 21,500 CoinMarketCap voters cast their ballots in favor, the question isn’t whether FUNToken will move. It’s how far its fixed 10.81 billion supply and aggressive Buy-and-Burn strategy can propel it toward the coveted $0.10 milestone by December 2025. 🌟

“The NEAR Staking ETP on Xetra opens a new bridge to NEAR for institutions by providing a regulated, exchange-traded way to earn staking rewards,” Illia Polosukhin told CoinDesk. “Investors can now dip their toes into the NEAR ecosystem and user-owned AI without the hassle of private keys or node operations, and with full price transparency. It’s like a VIP pass to the future, but with less tech jargon.” 🤓

This seal, my friend, signifies the wallet’s flawless dance with dApps (do not inquire what precisely dApps are, merely understand the aristocrats are using them), a user interface that could coax even a surly uncle into finding Bitcoin, and infrastructure as robust as the oak outside Bazarov’s window.

According to EmberCN’s analysis of on-chain data, SharpLink has increased its Ethereum holdings by adding 4,951 ETH in two separate transactions, which are believed to have been conducted off-exchange or over-the-counter. As a result, the company now owns more than 193,000 ETH, equivalent to around $463 million.

As reported by the mysterious entities at IntoTheBlock (how Chekhov longed for data, any data!), approximately 100.54 trillion SHIB tokens now lie “in the money,” like so many rubles tucked under a mattress. This, at the time of writing, equates to about $1.16 billion—a princely sum, nearly enough to keep Aunt Sofya from complaining about her samovar collection.

Krispy Kreme, purveyor of rings of fried joy, found itself in the kind of sticky situation usually reserved for fingers glazed with sugar—not sensitive information. Yes, friends, the alarm bells are sounding across America! Hackers have pilfered the digital doughnut box and helped themselves to 161,676 names, Social Security numbers, and, for good measure, a few squiggly sprinkles such as driver’s licenses and account passwords. You know—just enough to open a new bank account and maybe even get a driver’s license in Boston under the name “Mr. Glazed O. Donut.”