Cryptonews

Stream Finance took to X (yeah, just like that tardy weekend bird that never delivers) on Monday to announce they’ve called in the big guns – lawyers from Perkins Coie – to sleuth out what happened. “We’re actively withdrawing all liquid assets and expect this process to be completed in the very near term,” they said. Oh, you know, in that oh-so-assured tone. “We will provide periodic updates as additional information becomes available.” 📢 Cue dramatic pause.

Solana’s SOL token has fallen to its lowest level since August, breaking below the upward trendline, representing the bull run from April lows. It seems the music has stopped, and everyone’s leaving the party! 🕺

Well, well, well. Michael Saylor’s Strategy Inc. just gobbled up 397 shiny new Bitcoin for a whopping $45.6 million. And guess what? It’s all happening while the U.S. government is on the brink of a never-ending shutdown. Talk about timing! As the federal government tugs at its political hair and fights over the budget, Saylor’s team is busy stacking up on the world’s most volatile digital gold. Now that’s a strategy, isn’t it? 🤔

Now, with Palisade tucked neatly under its wing, Ripple can play the gracious host to banks, fintechs, and corporations who’ve been nervously clutching their digital assets like pearls at a scandalous soirée. “Fear not, darlings,” Ripple coos, “we’ve got multi-party computation and zero-trust architecture-fancy words for ‘we won’t let the riff-raff steal your Monopoly money.'” 💼🔒

Institutional adoption of blockchain is moving faster than a caffeinated cheetah, and Ripple’s RLUSD is leading the charge-because nothing says “trust me, bro” like a stablecoin regulated by New York’s finest. The crypto overlords announced that RLUSD hit a $1 billion market cap in its first year, proving that even finance bros need a little stability in their lives.

As the clock strikes December 2025, a proposal will unfurl as part of a grandiose “Market Integration Package.” If our esteemed member states nod in agreement (fingers crossed), these transitions might materialize by late 2026, culminating in a “European SEC” worthy of any Hollywood script, modeled on America’s illustrious Securities and Exchange Commission. Oh, the ambition!

Last week’s approval was just the opening act, and now the Solana ETFs are stealing the show! 🎭 Institutional investors are swooning like fans at a matinee, and the inflows are spiking faster than a banana cream pie to the face. 🥧

Apparently, Schwartz is telling us that XRP is just here to give everyone control of their own money. No middlemen, no banks, no big brother telling you what you can or can’t do. Basically, it’s the “you’re your own bank” scheme. The way he talks, you’d think they’re giving out free puppies too. He claims XRP is about “free movement of value” without all that messy, centralized control. Wow. Such revolution. Much independence. Much freedom. 🚀

Bitcoin, the crypto king, took a hit so hard, it’s now basically a “I told you so” for anyone who said, “This is a bubble.” Despite a 72% surge in trading volume, which is basically crypto’s version of “I’m buying a lottery ticket,” the price dropped 4%. Because nothing says “confidence” like selling your coins after a 72% spike. 🤷‍♀️

Behold, the 120-day sidelong shuffle-a dance of indecision so pedestrian it would make a caged hummingbird weep. Mr Wall Street, with all the gravitas of a man who’s seen three divorces, declares that Bitcoin’s refusal to break below $107,000 is not a sign of weakness, but a covert waltz with institutional giants, slyly gobbling up the crumbs of retail panic. “If this were a true top,” he quips, “the price would have collapsed under the weight of its own delusions. But no! It stands firm, like a Victorian maiden refusing to blush.”