“The community governance process for SIMD-0326: Alpenglow is complete. The proposal has passed: 98.27% Yes, 1.05% No, 0.69% Abstain; 52% of the Stake cast a vote,” Solana Status posted on X on September 2. Anza, the Solana R&D firm that authored the proposal, added context for operators: “Mainnet-beta is in epoch 843 which concludes the voting process for SIMD-0326: Alpenglow. The proposal has passed with 98% of stake voting Yes.” 🤯
Ethereum, that estimable chain, is swiftly becoming the darling of traditional finance. As per a recent analysis by Altcoin Daily, banks and institutions shall soon rely upon it to tokenize assets-equities, credit, real estate, and even intellectual property! A most prudent choice, one must say. 🏦
The Federal Reserve, that paragon of fiscal prudence, operates under a fractional reserve system, allowing banks to retain just a fraction of their deposits while lending out the rest, like a game of financial musical chairs. 🎶 The interest rate the Fed offers on reserves or Treasuries? A mere pittance at 4.5%. Hardly the stuff of dreams for those seeking to grow their wealth.
As September sashays in with all the grace of Aunt Agatha at a jazz club, both on-chain and technical indicators are waving red flags like a frantic butler signaling the end of tea time. 🫖🚩 The question now, old sport, is whether this altcoin can stiffen its upper lip against the bearish onslaught or if it’s bound for a deeper dip into the soup. 🍲
The dynamic duo were slapped with indictments in May 2024. After a little bit of back and forth, they pleaded guilty on May 13, 2025, admitting they pulled the wool over customers’ eyes regarding Cred’s financial health. Schatt, 55, from San Mateo, and Podulka, 53, from Palo Alto, were sentenced on August 29, 2025, by Senior US District Judge William Alsup.
Founded in 2018 by Mike Cagney-a name that now echoes like a forgotten lullaby-and now shepherded by CEO Michael Tannenbaum since 2024, Figure peddles blockchain-based lending. A modern alchemy, transforming HELOCs, crypto-backed loans, and a “digital asset exchange” into what? Paper dreams? Digital phantoms? For six months ending June 30, 2025, they boast $29.1 million in net income on $190.6 million in revenue. A tidy sum, to be sure, but does it nourish the spirit? Does it feed the hungry? No. It fuels the Nasdaq ticker FIGR, where it will dance on September 10. One wonders: when the music stops, will the chairs be enough for all? 🎭
Mark your calendars, for on the 22nd of September, Coinbase Derivatives shall present the “Mag7 + Crypto Equity Index Futures,” a novelty in the U.S. market. This instrument doth track the “Magnificent 7” tech stocks-Apple, Microsoft, Alphabet, Amazon, Nvidia, Meta, and Tesla-a veritable pantheon of innovation. 🏛️
This peculiar assemblage will feature the “Magnificent 7” titans-Apple, Microsoft, Alphabet, Amazon, Nvidia, Meta, and Tesla-alongside BlackRock’s Bitcoin and Ether ETFs, and, of course, Coinbase’s own proud stock. Each, bearing equal weight, as if to maintain cosmic balance. 🕊️
Bitcoin, that cursed digital ledger, launched a fresh recovery wave above $108,500-a number so mundane it could only be the work of a bored accountant. With a surge of vigor (or perhaps a caffeine IV drip), BTC shattered $108,800 and $110,000, two barriers that had stood for eons like digital Stonehenges.
As our dear friends at Reuters have whispered in my ear, Japan Post Bank-yes, that venerable institution born as a humble postal savings system in 1875-is planning to debut its very own digital yen. Imagine that! They’re currently sitting on a rather impressive 190 trillion yen (a cool $1.3 trillion USD, darling).