Crypto guru Michaël van de Poppe (yes, that’s his real name, and no, he’s not a Dutch pop star) has declared $112K the magic number. “Break it, and we’re off to the races!” he chirps, like a particularly enthusiastic auctioneer. But fail? Oh, dear. We’re looking at a cozy little consolidation or a minor pullback, because nothing says “fun” like sideways trading. 📉
Alas, as is often the case with grandiose ventures, reality intrudes. You see, PADRE had a token, which, it seems, will soon be no more. Yes, you heard that right-its value has rather spectacularly evaporated, leading to a most unfortunate uproar from its loyal community. And of course, accusations of rug-pulling are flying faster than you can say “market manipulation.” 🎭
Pray tell, what folly hath unfolded? CZ, the founder of Binance, was pardoned by the President himself, after a guilty plea for failing to implement a proper anti-money laundering program. A mere slip-up, or so he claims, yet Warren doth cry foul! She proclaims it corruption, a scandal most heinous, and accuses CZ of financing Trump’s stablecoin ventures. “Corruption!” she declares, with a flourish of her quill. 🖋️💰
it’s got no brains. No deep, logical thinking. It’s all just pattern recognition-like a dog fetching a ball, but not much else. So, Tether’s brainiac researchers took the best of scientific and educational content and transformed it into structured learning data. Voilà! A dataset that doesn’t just make AI look smart, but actually teaches it to think. 🤯
This Zhao, sentenced to a mere four months’ confinement in the iron-barred chambers, did confess his guilt in failing to erect sufficient bulwarks against the laundering of ill-gotten gains, thus flouting the sacred Bank Secrecy Act. A tragic hero, fallen for his oversights! 😂
The gist? Share your xpub with a cosigner, but withhold the chain code so they can’t derive your addresses like it’s a treasure map. Cosigners can still help with recovery, sure, but now they’re blindfolded while doing it. Bitkey calls it “removing the tradeoff” of privacy for collaboration. Pfft. Sounds like trading a magnifying glass for a spoon. Still, they claim users will be able to “assist without learning anything about unrelated transactions.” A bold promise, or a desperate one? You decide.
In their Friday report, the firm cheekily warns it’s way too soon to call this the “season finale” of the bull run. Meanwhile, Tiger Research is projecting a jolly $200,000 target for Q4, pointing to relentless net market buying amid the chaos-because nothing says ‘fun’ like volatility, right? Oh, and a dash of that good old yin-yang contrast. 🤑
The air grows thick with dread as long-term holders (LTHs), once the steadfast pillars of this crypto realm, now shuffle like nervous merchants at a flea market, whispering of liquidation. Their coins, once hoarded with the zeal of a miser, now spill from their grasp like sand through an hourglass-rapidly, relentlessly. The Coin Days Destroyed metric, a ghoulish tally of their despair, spikes with the ferocity of a dragon’s roar, marking the largest such outburst in two moons.
During an X Space (because nothing says “serious negotiation” like a Twitter chat), both sides flirted with the idea of settling. But no official agreement yet-classic will-they-won’t-they.
A curious ascending triangle emerges, as if the market itself debates its next move over a bottle of Bordeaux. 🍷 A pattern, they say, that heralds continuation-should it deign to confirm itself, of course.
