Cryptonews

On the social battlefield-X, formerly known as Twitter-Garlinghouse declared their latest opus “another crypto hit piece,” a poetic way of saying the paper’s been playing fast and loose with facts. He argued that the Times continues regurgitating the same tired narrative, ignoring the court’s wisdom that, unlike their articles, actually matters. According to him, the paper prefers half-truths and omissions-like a chef leaving out the main ingredients-to paint what he calls an “illegal War on Crypto,” waged before Biden’s time, and perhaps still going, with more flair and less integrity. 🎭

Behold, a somber mood descended upon the crypto exchange-traded funds like a fog over Moscow. Investors, those fickle souls, trimmed their sails, abandoning Bitcoin and Ether like yesterday’s news. But fear not! The altcoin funds, those sprightly upstarts, received their due. The result? A divergence so clear, even a blind cat could see it. 🐱✨

Imagine, if you will, a realm where the RSI-a fickle sprite-dips its toes into the 33rd parallel. This has transpired but four times since Dogecoin first barked its way into existence. Each occasion? A tale of woe and wonder! Sellers, exhausted from hurling their coin into the abyss, paused to sip tea, while stealthy buyers crept forth like ninjas in the night. 🕵️♂️

TON Foundation, that generous non-profit (sarcasm levels: high 😉), has finally caved and let OpenPayd handle its fiat chaos. Because nothing says “trust” like outsourcing your money stuff to a company with a name that sounds like a typo. 🤷♂️

As global crypto volatility peaked and major coin prices tumbled, the sector’s two giants, Bitcoin and Ethereum, became primary casualties, like two weary knights in a duel with no end in sight. 🏰⚔️

At the time of this writing, our furry friend, DOGE, was trading at about $0.129-down a smidgen, which, to be fair, is more than I can say for my Aunt Gertrude’s soufflés. Now, let us unravel this mystery: a weekly RSI that low usually suggests that the sellers have been playing the lead role in this little drama for quite some time. And in the grand theatre of trading, such prolonged pressure carries far more weight than yesterday’s gossip.

For months, this canine coin has trudged downward, trading below moving averages with the steadfastness of a bureaucrat in a Gogol tale. Few rallies, much decline-a true martyr of the charts. Yet, mark this well: the sell-off’s nature has shifted, and this shift is more profound than the price itself. The panic phase, like a misfired joke, nears its end. 🤡📉

They’re betting on “safe haven demand” (aka the debasement trade, which is just a fancy way of saying “our money is getting less valuable, so let’s all buy Bitcoin!”) and “regulatory clarity” (which, honestly, is about as clear as a foggy day in January). 🤷‍♀️

In true sarcastic fashion, our meme-loving hero tweeted, “Tis the season to be jolly,” as if a massive dip in Bitcoin’s price was just the latest plot twist in a Christmas rom-com. 🎄📉 The tweet came alongside a chart that could only be described as Santa sliding down a hill-if that hill were made of Bitcoin’s plummeting value! Who knew crypto could be so… entertaining?