Cryptonews

According to our wise sage, self-custody isn’t a luxury-nope, it’s the *only* way to stay alive in this wild, wild west of digital money. Think of it like holding your own ticket to the Looney Tunes rodeo-you’re in control of the private keys, the magic passwords that keep your crypto safe from crooks who like to steal your digital bananas. But beware the custodial wallets-those are like trusting your grandma with the firecrackers-she might mean well, but she’s just handing over control to someone else, and suddenly you’re a mere passenger on the crypto rollercoaster! 🎢🚀

Beijing told Ant Group and JD.com to park their Hong Kong stablecoin plans. Because nothing says “financial future” like a government yelling “STOP” while everyone else is Googling “how to buy crypto.” 🙄

According to those wise Glassnode gurus, this emotional rollercoaster is glaringly obvious in the options market. Bitcoin’s overnight breakdown? Classic macro-mess, leaving traders scrambling to cover their butts. They’re buying *protection*, like panic-buying toilet paper, pushing implied volatility to a dizzying 50%. Because nothing says stability like betting on chaos, right?

For four consecutive days, XRP danced the waltz of decline, reaching a dramatic low of $2.18 on the fateful day of October 17th. But lo! It rebounded with the vigor of a Gogol protagonist, soaring to $2.39 on Saturday, only to realize it had forgotten its dancing shoes. The bulls, alas, were too busy napping to join the festivities. 🐂😴

XRP wallets reached historic highs despite price weakness, Coinbase suffered an unusual hack that netted attackers only $33, and Solana enters a critical week with ETF anticipation and a sudden $750 million surge in stablecoin supply. 🤯💰

Ripple, in an act of what might be called divine confidence-or reckless abandon-has transferred 500 million XRP to a fresh, unguarded account. The wise and ever-watchful validator Vet, a man who observes the blockchain as Tolstoy once watched human folly, noted this peculiar act. He called it “unusual,” which, in the dialect of markets, is a polite way of saying, “What on earth are they thinking?” 😏

Payment infrastructure and trading platforms, the twin pillars of crypto’s latest binge, dominated VC wallets. Here’s a curated list of this week’s most delightful financial acrobatics.

Last week’s massive crypto crash didn’t just hit traders, it also wiped out millions in stolen funds held by hackers who, caught in the panic, misplayed the market with disastrous timing. 🤯

The tale starts with our hero opening a fresh 10x long position on the meme-coin PEPE, that cheeky little rascal. Of course, in true Wynn fashion, it didn’t take long for the whole thing to collapse faster than a pancake flipped by a drunk chef. And in case you were wondering, yes, this is just *another* in a series of crypto catastrophes that have made James a household name in liquidation circles. 👀

The bears, those sly foxes, returned on October 17, sniffing blood in the air. BTC, like a wounded beast, stumbled to $104,000, its breath ragged, while Trump’s tariff news brought a fleeting sigh of relief. Now, the market teeters, a tightrope walker with no net, asking, “What next?”-a question as old as time, and just as useless.