Not one to trust gut feelin’ or moon math, I figured we’d call in the modern sages-four slick-talking, no-sleepin’, silicon-brained AI oracles. They don’t drink, they don’t weep, and worst of all, they kind of make sense. So gather ’round the digital campfire, boots off, and let’s see what the machines have carved into their glowing tablets.
By Q2 2026, they plan to unleash a Type 3 Electronic Payment Instrument (fancy speak for “digital yen that can handle big bucks”). Yes, you heard that right-transfers and balances above the ¥1 million limit! Because who doesn’t love breaking the rules of traditional finance? 💸💥
The nuance, of course-and do pay attention, for these details are often the most delicious-is that the Axelar Network itself, the Foundation, and, crucially, the rather forlorn AXL token, will continue their independent existence. Consider it a polite detachment, a civilized severing. Common Prefix, a name redolent of forgotten coding languages, will assume the burden of further development. A perfectly sensible arrangement…for Circle.
With the subtlety of a Miss Dashwood at a crowded ball, XRP endeavored to regain the esteem of $2.020, only to find itself thwarted, as if competing with the likes of Bitcoin and Ethereum. It has hence resumed its downward path, relinquishing both the $2.00 and the $1.950 territories.
The conversation, you see, has shifted. No longer are we concerned with the fleeting palpitations of the market, the daily spasms of gain and loss. Oh no. We now concern ourselves with grander things: easing monetary policy, the whims of American politicians (a truly frightening prospect!), and the potential for a…shall we say… vigorous upward surge. Some, emboldened by a perhaps excessive fondness for optimistic projections, even speak of six hundred thousand dollars. One almost feels compelled to reach for the smelling salts.
Audiera [BEAT], the token that’s been moonwalking up the charts, surged by a whopping 84% at press time. Its debut was just a month ago, which is roughly the lifespan of a mayfly, but with far more financial drama. This leap brought its total gains over the past 30 days to a mind-boggling 480%. 📈✨
So, Bitcoin, you couldn’t handle the $90k club, huh? Thought you were a high roller, but now you’re just rolling downhill. ⛰️💨 Spiked below $87k? Ouch, that’s gotta hurt. But hey, the bulls are still partying near $85k-probably sipping crypto-themed cocktails. 🍸🐂
Currently, BitMine’s ETH holdings stand at a whopping 3.97 million. With current prices fluctuating like a caffeinated squirrel, this means their Ethereum assets are valued around $12.2 billion. Their latest acquisition nudges them above the 3.2% ownership mark of Ethereum’s total supply. It’s like being a VIP member of an exclusive club, except this one has a bouncer who only lets in a select few.
Despite the theatrical sell-off, Bitcoin stubbornly remains above its, shall we say, ‘comfortable’ long-term base. A corrective leg, not a revolution! The two hundred-day moving average observes from a safe distance, unimpressed. The sellers, bless their frantic hearts, had their chance. A fleeting opportunity to reign supreme. But they…failed. A most curious outcome, wouldn’t you agree? It appears someone, somewhere, still desires this digital trinket.
Alex Thorn-not to be confused with any garden-variety Alex-dropped this remarkable analysis in Galaxy Research’s weekly brief on December 12, shortly before it made its way onto X like a viral cat video. In his manifesto, Thorn painted a picture of Tether as the unsung hero of the crypto universe, operating under the radar despite its massive presence. It seems even the most powerful firms can be wallflowers at the cosmic dance!
