Jane Manchun Wong, the digital detective, known for digging up secrets buried beneath the giants’ shiny facades-Facebook, Instagram, and now Coinbase herself-tweeted her findings. And what did she find? A prediction market, splattered with Coinbase’s logo like ketchup on a white shirt-trying to look serious, but we all know it’s just a fancy gamble in a digital casino. 🃏
According to the latest weekly scroll through the magic crystal ball of crypto charts, Bitcoin’s slice of the market pie has shrunk faster than a soufflé in a hot oven. And just like before, it looks suspiciously similar to the opening notes of a grand altcoin symphony. Or a terrible remix. Either way, it’s probably worth paying attention.
President Trump, in a moment of almost disarming candor – a rare beast indeed – has let it be known that the selection of the next Fed chair is… progressing. While Jerome Powell still occupies the seat, clinging to it like a barnacle to a rusted hull, the whispers, the veiled threats, the subtle rearrangements of deck chairs on the Titanic continue apace. And, quite remarkably, the gentleman suggested he knows the chosen one, without deigning to name him. The indignity!
Two months ago, Anthropic was valued at $183 billion. Now, thanks to a cozy hand-holding session with Microsoft and Nvidia, it’s “doubled” its worth to $350 billion. CNBC reports this like it’s normal, but I’m picturing a toddler with a calculator going “YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!”
after hitting the equals button too many times. 🤯
Bitcoin, as bold as ever, clawed its way back from the depths of despair to settle comfortably above $90,000. If you were one of the lucky few to buy at $89,455, you’re probably feeling like you’ve just discovered a hidden treasure chest. This recovery comes after a dramatic series of events, including a whopping $1 billion in liquidations and a very unimpressive post-election rally that saw BTC galloping all the way up to $126,000 just six weeks ago. Time flies when you’re losing and gaining hundreds of thousands, eh? ⏳
Basically, if the long-short ratio is more than 2.0, funding stays in the positive zone, and HYPE stays above $42.75, then we’re golden. If not, well… maybe try again next time?
NIGHT will go live on the 8th of December. 🗓️ Finally, a date that’s not a mystery! Or a scam. We’ll see. 🤷♀️
Now, a clever detective, ZachXBT – a real whiz at sniffing out these digital mishaps – discovered the whole shebang. Seems our fella swapped 14.4 million ADA (worth a good $6.9 million, mind you!) for some stablecoin nonsense called USDA. You’d think it would be straightforward, wouldn’t you? Alas, no! Two hours later, BAM! $6.05 million had flown the coop. More than 80% of his money! Gone! Reduced to digital dust! 👻
Senator Young, with a gravitas befitting a man of his station, is urging the IRS to reconsider its 2023 guidelines on the taxation of cryptocurrency rewards earned through staking. A practice, one must note, where digital assets are locked away like misbehaving schoolboys to support blockchain networks. 🏛️
The crime unfolded with all the sophistication of a B-movie plot: three men armed with machetes (because guns are too mainstream) forced a victim to transfer cryptocurrency while posing as delivery drivers. Because nothing disarms suspicion like a man holding a machete saying “I’ve got a package for you.” 📦💀
