Crypto Crooks Strike Again: $2.4 Billion Lifted in 2025 and Nobody’s Grandma Is Safe

This jolly news comes courtesy of SlowMist’s mid-year “Blockchain Security and AML Report.” The score: $2.37 billion spirited away in just 121 incidents in H1 2025. The kicker? That’s nearly 66% more cash lost than at this time in 2024, although—miracle of miracles—the number of incidents actually went down. It’s like fewer bank robbers, but each one left riding a gilded carriage.

Bitcoin Frenzy: Did Jittery Traders Just Outrun the Fed? 😏💸

Over at Binance, if you listened close, you could hear a thundering—a hundred million bucks in net taker volume, not from the timid but the hungry, the bold, each one outbidding a neighbor for a little slice of hope before the government flashed its numbers. Classic human nature: just before the dawn, someone’s always buying candles.

Trump’s Crypto Catastrophe: A Tale of Two Portfolios 🤑

President Donald Trump, that stalwart champion of… well, himself, saw his personal crypto portfolio plummet by a whopping 78% in just six short months 📉. One can almost hear the anguished cries of “Fake news!” and “Sad!” echoing through the halls of Trump Tower 🗼️.

Get Ready for the Crypto-tastic Week in US House!

In a surprising turn of events, the same day President Donald Trump’s “One Big Beautiful Bill” was passed, Republican House leaders decided to declare the week of July 14th as “Crypto Week”! 🎉 According to a press release by Arkansas House Republican French Hill, this week will feature a marathon review of three key pieces of crypto legislation. 📜

Will Trump’s Bills Send Bitcoin Soaring?

As President Trump’s major bill is set to be signed on July 4, and lawmakers prepare to launch “Crypto Week” from July 14–18, the crypto community is abuzz with excitement. Three major bills, the CLARITY Act, Anti-CBDC Act, and GENIUS Act, will be discussed, and their passage could bring clear rules, block government-backed digital surveillance, and support crypto innovation. 🤔