In a mere day, Solana became the stage for a farce of Shakespearean proportions. From tokens mimicking stock markets to buybacks orchestrated by the people (or their wallets), here’s your front-row seat to the madness. 🎭
In a recent chat with Coindesk (because nothing says “authority” like a chat), Hoskinson sniffed out the lack of “rhyme or reason” in the token selection. “If someone asked me,” he said, “I would have said do Bitcoin only. And if you want multiple assets, then use an index with clear rules and independent oversight-like a grown-up.” 🤷♂️
Le mardi, l’Enforcement Directorate (ED) a annoncé, avec toute la solennité requise, le gel d’actifs liés à une fraude foncière et à un scam de cryptomonnaie à Haryana. La loi sur la prévention du blanchiment d’argent, comme un bon avocat, était là pour soutenir les bonnes intentions… enfin, presque !
Doctor Profit, that paragon of financial foresight, has declared both Bitcoin and stocks to be trapped in a bear market so severe, it could make a grizzly bear weep. On X, he unveiled three ominous prophecies: a Bearish Divergence so grand it could rival a Wagner opera, a bearish flag flapping like a surrender signal, and a Head and Shoulders pattern that’s got the vibe of a horror movie sequel. 📉🎭
Picture this: the Clarity Act contains a section that investigates whether a crypto token serves as the prized asset behind an exchange-traded product, like an ETF, by the year of our Lord 2026. If a token fulfills this lofty condition, and the product struts its stuff on a registered U.S. exchange, voilà! That token shall be free from the burdensome extra disclosure rules that plague other digital assets. What a relief! 🎉
In an unexpected twist, analysts have deduced that the Department of Justice’s (DoJ) curious inquiry into Powell’s affairs might inadvertently elevate the likes of gold and the digital upstart, Bitcoin [BTC], to a pedestal of safety. Ah, how delightful! The very notion that investigations-those harbingers of doom-could usher in a cryptocurrency renaissance is almost comical.
Bitcoin’s hovering around $90k like it’s trying to decide if it’s a good idea to stay alive. The next 48 hours? More important than your ex’s Instagram posts. 🧨 The weekends are like crypto’s version of a “take your kid to work day”-everyone’s weak, but maybe, just maybe, it’ll hold. 🤞
2.7% YoY, 0.3% MoM. “Still uncomfortable,” says Fed, who’s basically saying, “We’re not done with this awkward dance yet.” 🤷♂️
Yet, amidst the gloom and despair, murmurs of hope echo from the hallowed halls of finance. Predictions heralding XRP’s return to its lofty peaks and perhaps even soaring past $3.8 have been scribbled in the margins of bank research notes, as if an incantation could conjure forth a miracle. Technical analyses, those cryptic scrolls of numerical wisdom, suggest that XRP is destined to return to the higher realms of the upper-$3s, where the grass is greener and the profits fatter.
And who could blame them? Retail users and “larger investors” (read: people with questionable life choices) flocked to Polygon’s ecosystem with the fervor of pilgrims to Lourdes. One wonders if the true miracle will be the transactions or the eventual reckoning when someone realizes they’ve paid $67.7 million in fees to move less than a loaf of bread.