Take for example, a dolphin-sized whale – or should I say, a ‘Bitcoin OG’ – who decided that Bitcoin was so last century and has been merrily rotating his vast treasure troves into Ethereum faster than one could say “Hitchhiker’s Guide.” 🐋💸
The Linea token is officially crashing the pre-market party, giving fearless traders a sneak peek before the “big launch.” Binance is handing out up to 5x leverage; Bybit Alpha is going full throttle at 10x-because who needs sleep? Meanwhile, Hyperliquid offers a humble 3x, and everyone else is just trying to keep up.
Japan Post Bank, guardian of an eye-watering $1.3 trillion in deposits (a sum that would make Scrooge McDuck’s vault look modest), is gallantly preparing to unveil the DCJPY in fiscal 2026, according to the ever-reliable Nikkei Asia. This newfangled digital currency will prance about on a bespoke blockchain, masterfully crafted by DeCurret DCP-an offspring of the cryptic Internet Initiative Japan (IIJ)-which has dabbled in digital currency platforms since 2020, as if that were an eternity.
Over the past decade, September has been Bitcoin’s equivalent of a Monday morning after a weekend of bad decisions. 📉 In eight out of the last 12 years, it’s ended the month looking like it’s been on a crash diet-and not in a good way. The rare times it’s gone green? Single-digit gains, darling. Meanwhile, October and November are out there living their best lives, with October earning the nickname “Uptober” after an 83% surge one year. Talk about a glow-up! ✨
On the crisp September morning, as the city whispered its usual hum, Metaplanet-like some quiet conjurer-amassed another 1,009 Bitcoin, shelling out a staggering 112 million dollars. Their treasure chest now brims with 20,000 glittering BTC coins, each acquired at the curious price of 16.3 million yen. Tokyo’s shadowy titan has outpaced Riot Platforms, ascending to … Read more
“Bitcoin is yet on sale!” exclaims Michael Saylor, with the wisdom of an oracle.
This enigmatic figure, whose net worth rivals that of a minor European duchy, recently parted with a chunk of their Bitcoin, exchanging it for Ether with the ease of a man swapping his hat for a top hat. 🎩✨
In a spectacular burst of confidence, he graced the digital platform X with, dare I say, a proclamation that reeks of dried ink and audacity. Traditional financial behemoths, those statuesque giants, will soon become validators and stake their precious ETH as they drift gracefully onto the ethereal ether of Ethereum. It’s as if they’ve found their lost marbles! 🕵️♂️
Meanwhile, Ethereum-once hailed as the dandy of the ETF cotillion-finds itself clutching a mere $1.08 billion, an amount better fit for buying fine pastries than market dominion. Only a week prior, Ethereum strutted about with $2.85 billion like a peacock with too many feathers, while Bitcoin pouted in the corner nibbling stale biscuits. The so-called “alt season” was announced with trumpets and dreadful hashtags, but, as it turns out, this “season” had the longevity of Gogol’s overcoat in a Petersburg blizzard: here one moment, utterly humiliated the next.
He points to the recent nose dive of $BTC and $ETH, and says, real quiet-like, “Now’s the time to go long.” Meanwhile, the altcoins, those scrappy underdogs, they’ve quit their free fall a bit early, which usually means something’s brewing under the hood:
