Recent days have seen BTC wallowing near $92,300, its backside pressed against a trendline support that whispers sweet nothings between $90K and $91K. DrBullZeus, the Oracle of Bullspeak, declared with the gravitas of a prophet, “We are very close to a breakout here! I think BTC could be targeting $94K again.” The price, currently loafing at $92,086, has shown the faintest hint of interest, like a cat eyeing a half-eaten mouse. 🐱
In a series of tweets that read like a middle school essay on “Why I Was Wrong,” Mercx argues that central banks are waging a “frontal attack on the FED” (yes, he really wrote that with a capital F), and investors are fleeing to gold like it’s the last lifeboat on the Titanic. Meanwhile, Bitcoin is languishing 20% below its peak. “The verdict is in,” he proclaims. “The debasement trade is Gold & Silver, not Bitcoin.” If only he’d said that in 2013… but no, back then he was probably busy sipping chamomile tea and muttering, “This can’t last.” 🤷♂️
In the wake of Strategy’s latest proclamation, Bitmine, with a smirk as wide as the blockchain itself, declared its holdings to be a monstrous $14.0 billion. This treasure includes 4.17 million ETH, $988 million in cold, hard cash, 193 BTC, and a $23 million equity stake-a trifle they modestly dub “moonshots.” All this, as of the 11th hour of January, when the clock struck 7 p.m. ET. 🕰️✨
Strategy, once known as MicroStrategy, now tradeth at $157-a paltry sum compared to its July zenith. ‘Tis a 65% descent, dear friends, as if one had eaten 65% of their soufflé and then wept into it. 🥧
South Korea’s Financial Services Commission (FSC), that stalwart of regulatory rigor, has drafted guidelines to allow listed companies and professional investors to trade crypto, a move that would see the overturn of a nine-year-old ban. 🧱 According to BusinessKorea, the FSC shared the draft with a public-private task force on January 6th, and according to a high-ranking financial industry official, authorities are expected to release the final guidelines between January and February. 📅
Standard Chartered is getting ready to launch a prime brokerage for cryptocurrency trading, a move that shows how seriously global banks are now taking digital assets. A prime brokerage is a service designed for large investors, offering support like asset safekeeping, lending, and funding so they can trade smoothly across different markets.
The weekly market opener resembled a Hollywood drama-Bitcoin (BTC), gold, and silver staged a triumphant rally, probably celebrating the dollar’s stumble. All this occurred after Federal Reserve’s Jerome Powell, in a move that might have involved a lot of deep breathing, declared he’d resist political pressure like a noble knight defending the sacred castle of monetary independence, which is ironic because everyone still seems a bit nervous.
Behold, the financial guardian of Dubai has unveiled a labyrinthine overhaul of crypto asset regulations within the DIFC, a realm where the shimmering promise of digital gold meets the cold, unyielding gaze of bureaucracy. The new edicts, issued by the DFSA, took effect on January 12, 2026, their purpose as enigmatic as the tokens they seek to govern-greater regulation, yet with a whisper of innovation.
Calculating with the precision of a seasoned mathematician (or perhaps a lucky gambler), each coin was procured at approximately $91,519. One cannot help but marvel at the sheer audacity of it all! With this latest acquisition, Strategy now boasts a magnificent hoard of 687,410 BTC-a veritable treasure trove! 💰
Behold, the venerable institution, ever the beacon of financial integrity, has decided to dabble in the digital gold rush 🏦💥. SC Ventures, that paragon of prudence, will now offer a crypto prime brokerage-because why let pesky regulations like Basel III’s 1250% capital charges cramp your style? 🤸♂️💸 Custody, trading, and “clearing” (though one wonders what … Read more