Behold, the venerable institution, ever the beacon of financial integrity, has decided to dabble in the digital gold rush 🏦💥. SC Ventures, that paragon of prudence, will now offer a crypto prime brokerage-because why let pesky regulations like Basel III’s 1250% capital charges cramp your style? 🤸♂️💸 Custody, trading, and “clearing” (though one wonders what … Read more
Betterment, that once-revered U.S. digital investing platform, has finally admitted to a breach after scammers turned its systems into a stage for a crypto giveaway farce. One imagines the hackers chuckling behind their keyboards, sipping chamomile tea, as users squinted at push notifications that looked suspiciously like love letters.
The DFSA has declared that cryptocurrencies designed to protect one’s anonymity are not just incompatible with international norms-they are the proverbial lepers of the crypto world. “Out, out!” they cry, casting these tokens from their hallowed halls of finance. What a twist of fate for those who sought refuge in the shadows!
On the 12th day of January in the year 2026 (which, incidentally, feels like a scene straight out of a sci-fi novel), H100 Group AB announced this non-binding declaration of intent to scoop up a full 100% of Future Holdings AG-a Swiss-based Bitcoin treasury firm. The price tag? A rather modest $750k (or CHF 600,000 if you’re feeling particularly Swiss today), made up of cash and some shiny new H100 shares that they probably printed just for this occasion. And why, you ask? To plant their flag in Europe’s financial playground, which is known for its strict rules and somewhat alarming propensity for watches.
Tether, the company behind USDT, has frozen over $182 million in USDT across five Tron-based wallets in the last 24 hours. Wallets ranged from $12 million to $50 million; the triggers behind the freezes remain undisclosed-like a magician who refuses to reveal his rabbit, suspecting the audience might demand better security anyway. 😏
After pushin’ past that $2 hurdle, XRP took a breather, like a man who just climbed a mountain and now wants to sip lemonade. Volatility’s been coiled tighter than a barn cat in a thunderstorm, but no sharp wicks or panic-driven candles-just a polite yawn from the market. 😴
Armstrong proclaimed that tokenized stocks will widen international access, let people buy fractional shares, enable perpetual futures, and bring governance innovations-perhaps a little on‑chain civics with your morning latte. Real‑time settlement would speed things up, and who knows what governance models may sprout when the blockchain gets chatty. ⏳🌍
Currently, this… altcoin… trades at $13.38, a most paltry 1.28% increase daily. A pittance! And the trading volume? A robust $314 million, which, frankly, is more noise than substance. 💸
The conceit is simple, yet profound: Ethereum must thrive, nay, flourish, even if its developers vanish into the ether like so many misplaced socks. 👻
In the labyrinth of market data, the DOGE RSI lingers at 52.70, its signal line a breath away at 52, painting a portrait of equilibrium, a coin suspended in mid-air, neither ascending nor descending. The Exponential Moving Averages, those oracles of trend, align thus: EMA 20 at $0.13, EMA 50 at $0.14, EMA 100 at $0.15, and EMA 200 at $0.17. A downward curve, you say? Indeed, a slope as gentle as a sigh, with the EMA 50 watched with the intensity of a lover awaiting a letter. The coin’s market capitalization, a mere $23.60 billion, stands as a testament to its humble aspirations. 📉