And that, dear reader, is why the developers behind Bitcoin Hyper ($HYPER) have decided to build a sleek, high-speed Layer-2 project. Because who wants to deal with the slow grind of Bitcoin when you can get something snappier, right?
According to the letter, these intrepid lawmakers are teaming up with the SEC’s Office of Inspector General (OIG) to unravel this mystery. Why? Because nothing says “productive use of taxpayer money” like digging through the digital graveyard of a former SEC Chair’s smartphone. The OIG, bless their hearts, already released a report on September 3, titled “Special Review: Avoidable Errors Led to the Loss of Former SEC Chair Gary Gensler’s Text Message.” Avoidable errors, you say? Sounds like someone’s IT department was napping on the job-or perhaps they were just practicing their disappearing act for the circus.
For those of you who haven’t been keeping track, the Banque de France (BdF) recently announced that it had lost a cool 7.7 billion euros in the fiscal year 2024, largely thanks to sky-high interest payments that made their net interest income plummet like a lead balloon. If you’re wondering what caused such a disastrous turn, just take a look at France’s government deficit-now a staggering 168 billion euros, which is 5.8% of their GDP. What’s the EU’s limit on that, you ask? A modest 3%. So, yeah, it’s not looking great. 😬
Now, you see, right alongside the CEO shuffle, these folks signed hands with SBI VC Trade, hoping to make their Bitcoin hoard as slick and secure as a Mississippi steamboat on a calm day. Seems Remixpoint aims to beef up their digital piggy bank and keep the crypto wolves at bay with a posse of smart financiers.
They trumpet, from their lofty towers on the interwebs known as X, the virtues of their mystical rung on the ladder of certainty-the so-called “Aggregated Impulse Signal.” Whenever this curious creature returns to zero, it heralds an end to the carnival madness of selling, and ushers in the sweet music of upward spirals. 📈 Oh, what a spectacle to behold!
According to the sanctimonious press release, this capital will be squandered-er, invested-in the acquisition of over 500 additional ASIC miners, swelling DogeHash’s fleet to a staggering 4,000 rigs by year’s end. A fleet, you say? Nay, a monument to humanity’s insatiable thirst for digital trinkets! ⚡
Lo, Tether, guardian of the USD-pegged USDT, hath once more succumbed to the siren call of Bitcoin, stacking 8,888 BTC into its vaults, a gesture as ostentatious as a Roman emperor tossing gold coins into the Tiber. Onchain Lens, that most pious of data priests, hath declared this transaction to have occurred on the final day of Q3, 2025, as though marking the calendar for posterity’s inevitable judgment. 📜
For the first time since January, Bakkt sneezed past the $30 mark, which is quite the turnaround for a company that had been sulking below $10 like a grounded teenager. Investors, suddenly convinced that new bosses, shiny treasury plans, and fewer distractions might actually work, are now throwing money at it like confetti at a parade.
“I confess, I was an early admirer of Bitcoin,” declared Mr. Durov, with the air of a man who has long since ceased to care for the opinions of lesser mortals. “In the year 2013, I acquired my first few thousand coins-though, at the time, I regarded the matter with the utmost indifference.”
Hold your horses, because last week, the ESRB was like, “Let’s just ban those pesky multi-issuance stablecoins.” If you’ve been living under a rock, this essentially means that companies like Paxos and Circle (yeah, the big crypto names) will have to keep reserves in one EU member state while managing reserves in another country for identical tokens. Confusing? Absolutely. But don’t worry, the ECB is on it – because who doesn’t love more bureaucracy, right?
