The latest guidelines are like a stern teacher wagging a finger at misbehaving children-regulating crypto platforms to adopt stricter measures during user onboarding. The Times of India reports that we’re talking about verification more often than a teenager checks their social media. 🙄
As of now, Bitcoin has pranced up by 1.8% over the past day, trading at a dazzling $92,054. Zcash jumped up 10% to $414, Bittensor gave a cheeky little nudge of 3.2% to $290, and Solana did a little jig, edging up 5.2% to $142. 🎉✨
Alas, Ethereum could not sustain its grace above $3,200, plummeting like a tragic hero into the $3,180 abyss. Its descent below $3,150 marked a brief interlude in the bearish zone, a place where only the bravest (or most foolish) tread.
With all that index stuff out of the way, investors are back to obsessing over Saylor’s every digital twitch.
Institutional curiosity-corners sharpened by quarterly reports and stern auditors-drives market infrastructure toward the old, comfortable standards. Nasdaq Inc. (Nasdaq: NDAQ) and CME Group Inc. (Nasdaq: CME) announced on Jan. 8 that they are deepening their long-standing partnership through the reintroduction of the Nasdaq Crypto Index as the Nasdaq CME Crypto Index, positioning it as a regulated benchmark for diversified crypto exposure, because the guests at the ball must be properly chaperoned. 🕴️💼
Ah, the venerable Ethereum! Once a humble project born in the smoky taverns of academic dreams, now striding forth like a tormented soul into the abyss of zero-knowledge cryptography. What was once mere theoretical midnight musings is swelling into the backbone of a new protocol. Leaders of this digital cathedral boast of breakthroughs-praise be!-that make these shadowy proofs “practical,” whatever that means. Perhaps they dream of a world where we prove our innocence without actually being innocent. How delightful! 😏
The move continues the aggressive staking expansion that began December 26, 2025, when the company first deposited 74,880 ETH. Because nothing says “I’m a big shot” like throwing $219M at crypto. 💸
The price, having endured a prolonged downtrend, now lingers in sideways consolidation, like a dinner guest who overstayed their welcome. Instead of chasing strength, our intrepid trader has positioned themselves in the eye of the storm-or perhaps, the center of a particularly noxious breeze. A structural bet, they call it. I call it a gamble with a side of flatulence. 🌪️💨
As the curtain rises on the ledger, TRUMP trades around $5.4 after a modest little retreat. 📉
Bearish Woes vs. Bullish Hopes