Cryptonews

On the daily chart, ETH has clawed its way above the broad descending channel, a desperate climb up a hill of dust and doubt. After a fierce bounce from the green demand zone near $2,600 in mid-December, the price dared to reclaim the $3,000 mark, a beacon for the brave. But the rally faltered, just short of the $3,500 resistance band, a cruel mistress that has long held sway over this land. The RSI, once a roaring fire, now flickers low, a warning that the flames may soon die.

Lo and behold, Midnight broke below $0.0836, a price point so sacred, it’s like a holy grail for traders. They cried, “The end is nigh!” and fled faster than a cat chased by a vacuum cleaner. 🧹🐱

The systemic leverage, once a frothy 10% of the market cap in 2025, has now dwindled to a mere 3%-a veritable monsoon of prudence. Such austerity, they claim, is the perfect recipe for a “sustainable recovery,” as if crypto had ever known the meaning of the word.

This proclamation came in the wake of a rather dramatic exodus-yes, an exodus!-of the Zcash core developer team. It conjures up images of biblical proportions, does it not? And thus, Mow, in his inimitable style, did not miss the opportunity to express his thoughts on these “s-coin developers” who seem to abandon their posts with the fickleness of a summer breeze.

In an effort that could only be described as “fascinatingly bureaucratic,” Colombia’s tax and customs authority, known affectionately as DIAN (Dirección de Impuestos y Aduanas Nacionales), has rolled out a regulation worthy of a novel by Gogol himself, one that transforms the landscape of cryptocurrency tracking in this fine nation.

The stablecoin circus hit $33 trillion in 2025, bolstered by digital dollars that don’t quite lie, cheat, or steal-unless the universe tells them to. With a presidential nod from Mr. Trump, who wore his top hat year-round, Wall Street clapped like a rowdy riverboat crew. BuzzFeed-or “Bloomberg,” as the old-timers call it-reported this and blamed it all on USDC and USDT doing the jitterbug while the dollar chased them around the globe.

In its latest weekly opus, Glassnode spoke of the Realized Profit of Bitcoin, that mysterious metric that tracks the total gains from selling BTC. It’s like a financial séance, sifting through the blockchain’s dusty archives to find the price of each coin’s last dance. 🕺

On January 8, 2026, XRP was trading around $2.11, which is basically a 4.05% plunge in 24 hours. Because why not? Wave analyst @PrecisionTrade3 claimed XRP hit $2.30 during a “subwave B rally” before crashing to $2.18. Sounds like a rollercoaster designed by a sleep-deprived intern. 🎢

Brace yourselves, folks-Morgan Stanley is going digital! 🌐✨ The banking giant is rolling out a digital wallet that’s basically a Swiss Army knife for cryptocurrencies and tokenized assets. Yes, you heard that right. Your grandma’s bank now wants to hold your Bitcoin. Who said finance couldn’t be fun? 😂

On Thursday, January 8, crypto oracle Ali Martinez unveiled charts so grim, they’d make a Bolshevik weep. The meme asset, it seems, teeters on the edge of adding a zero-because nothing says “prosperity” like a decimal point’s tragic fall. 🚨