Cryptonews

The Zcash price rally has been nothing short of legendary. It’s like that one underdog movie where the awkward kid suddenly becomes the prom king. Arthur Hayes, who you may know as the co-founder of BitMEX and CIO of Maelstrom (his super elite family office, not a band name, unfortunately), dropped the knowledge bomb on November 7 through X (formerly Twitter, but we know no one calls it that). According to him, Zcash’s meteoric rise has it sitting in second place in Maelstrom’s largest crypto holdings. Take that, other coins! 😎

Oh, Kazakhstan, you sly fox! 🦊 Bloomberg just dropped the hottest gossip: you’re planning a $1 billion crypto reserve fund by 2026. Funded by, wait for it… seized assets, repatriated goodies, and mining leftovers! 💎✨ No direct Bitcoin holdings, though-apparently, you’re not here to ride the rollercoaster of volatility. 🙅‍♀️ Instead, you’re all about those … Read more

According to a top analyst who goes by the enigmatic moniker of Darkfost, the market is mutating faster than a Proteus on quaaludes. The traditional on-chain indicators have started to look about as reliable as Female Androids’ fake wrists. “With time, we can clearly see that the structure and dynamics of the market are evolving,” Darkfost comments, in what might well be Charles Darwin’s most puzzling observation ever.

So there I was, scrolling through my feed of crypto doomscrolling, when Toncoin suddenly bounced back from its brief $1.90 faceplant. A meager 3.5% recovery over 24 hours? Groundbreaking stuff! Now everyone’s speculating if TON can turn its $2 rebound into an “explosive rally”-because nothing says “explosive” like eye-rolling chart indicators and the patience of saints.

To hit $5.76, DOGE’s market cap would balloon to $840 billion-basically, it’d need to outshine Ethereum like a Chihuahua in a room full of Great Danes. 🐕‍🦺 But hey, stranger things have happened… like 2021’s 12,000% rally! Was it Elliott Wave magic? Or just Twitter-fueled hysteria? 🤔🤡

Ethereum’s weekly chart is currently showing off its skills with a solid support around $3,130-$3,200. Now, this isn’t just any support. This is the kind of support that could hold up your entire weight on a bad day. Why? Because it aligns perfectly with the 50-week moving average (WMA) and the 0.618 Fibonacci retracement zone. It’s like the cosmic alignment of technical indicators. Historically, this has been the springboard for some of Ethereum’s most glorious recoveries. You know, when the market suddenly stops being the worst.

On November 19, 2025, the European Commission will gather to decide the fate of the “simplification package,” a term so innocuous it could only mask the dismantling of a once-ambitious regulatory framework. According to Commission spokesperson Thomas Regnier, the officials are now “exploring targeted implementation delays,” a phrase as vague as it is damning. No final decision has been made, they say, but the writing is on the wall-or perhaps, more fittingly, on the balance sheets of Silicon Valley. 📜✍️

WhiteBIT’s got a VASP registration in Argentina (congrats, sir!) and is eyeing Brazil like a kid smells cotton candy at a fair. They’re not just expanding-they’re “accelerating” into Latin America, because who doesn’t love a good crypto circus parade? 🐘🚀

Lookonchain reports that three mysterious wallets yanked 4,920 ETH (about $16.25 million) from Tornado Cash, perfectly timed with a 13% weekly price nosedive. Coincidence? Maybe. Suspiciously dramatic? Definitely. 🤔

In a paper thicker than Mr. Wonka’s rulebook, the researchers pored over two years of onchain data. Their verdict? A whopping 25% of Polymarket’s trades involved users buying and selling contracts faster than the BFG changes his socks-often to themselves or their chums. All to puff up those activity metrics like a giant’s ego. 🤡📈