Cryptonews

The shenanigans surrounding @DeepDishEnjoyer aren’t exactly rare. Celebrity persona tokens have become the bread and butter of pump.fun’s carnival-take Caitlyn Jenner’s JENNER token, for instance, which soared to a $20 million market cap before its creator made off like a bandit. The saga tends to follow a predictable path: hype, pump, and then rug. What sets our pal “peepeepoopoo” apart is his audacious mockery of the entire charade while sitting back and enjoying the show from a safe distance.

The chairman, one Tom Lee, a man of such conviction that he would buy snow in winter, hath proclaimed the virtues of relentless acquisition, regardless of the tempestuous whims of the market. “Buy, buy, buy!” he doth cry, as though the very act of purchasing were a panacea for all ills. And so, BitMine, with a treasury now swelling to 4.66 million ETH-a hoard worth a cool $10 billion-stands as a monument to this audacious strategy.

Yet, in the shadows of this grand ballet, the subnets-those unsung heroes where AI models and compute toil-begin to stir. Alas, a tragic comedy unfolds! While the subnets beckon, a vast sea of TAO remains slumbering on Root, as passive as a nobleman at a dull soiree. What a farce! Capital, ever the reluctant suitor, hesitates to join the dance.

On this fateful day, March 25, the White House, in its infinite wisdom, has opted to reconstitute a federal advisory body on science policy. This body aims to tackle the mind-boggling pace of technological change that threatens to outpace even the wildest imaginings of sci-fi writers everywhere. Yes, folks, it’s a council, and it’s here to guide us through the chaos!

XLM is showing bullish momentum, with its 50-hour and 2-hour moving averages crossing above the 200-hour and 2-hour moving averages, respectively. This pattern, known as a golden cross, often signals a potential price increase.

As for our darling BTC, it’s trapped in a descending channel on the daily chart, with the 100-day moving average lording over us at ~$79K and the 200-day average at a rather lofty ~$92K. Ah, the $75K-$80K zone, once a solid fortress of support, has now become a cold and unwelcoming resistance, tossing aside every recovery attempt like an unwanted suitor.

An independent review, commissioned by the noble UK government, has issued a most alarming warning: cryptocurrency donations could very well expose our cherished political system to foreign influences. Thus, it advocates for a temporary cessation of these digital contributions until we can establish some semblance of clarity and order in our regulatory framework.

Visa, the omnipresent ringmaster of digital payments, and Dune, the oracle of onchain data, have conjured a masterpiece titled Beyond Dollarization. This tome, unveiled amidst the clinking of glasses in New York, dissects the meteoric ascent of local currency stablecoins. Euros, reais, yen-all have donned their blockchain costumes, ready to dance across payments, FX, and decentralized finance.

Consider, if you will, the Strategy’s realized price for its 762K BTC, languishing at $75.6K, a figure that aligns with the resistance zones as neatly as a dandy’s cravat. Meanwhile, the broader realized price, hovering near $54K, has historically played the role of a stubborn gatekeeper in bear phases, a reminder of the market’s fragility and its penchant for theatrics. How delightfully ironic that this level, once a bastion of support, now looms as an overhead resistance, a spectral reminder of past follies.

The London-based challenger bank assures us that these deposits will remain interest-bearing, fully backed, and redeemable in pounds sterling. Oh, and they’ll still be protected by the U.K.’s Financial Services Compensation Scheme-because even revolutionaries need a safety net.