At the last reckoning (apparently, they still have those), PUMP was dawdling around $0.00249, up 1.3% despite the general gloom surrounding everything crypto. It’s a 30% gain in a week, which is… okay, if you’re into okay. Still down 17% this month and a colossal 71% from its previous all-time high of $0.00881. One wonders if anyone remembers that. 🤷🏻♀️
This all follows a rather stressful end to 2025, where Bitcoin did that thing it does – plummet, then everyone panics. But now it’s apparently ‘reclaimed’ levels above $90,000. Excellent. Makes me feel marginally less silly for briefly considering putting my entire savings into Dogecoin last spring (don’t judge). BlackRock’s iShares Bitcoin Trust (IBIT) is leading the charge, naturally. Because of course it is. They’re very good at things like… finances. 🙄
But fear not, dear reader, for the structure of XRP remains as steadfast as a Turgenev protagonist-resilient, if not always triumphant. The $3 mark, that elusive horizon, still beckons with a promise of a 30% ascent. Why, you ask? Ah, let us delve into the intricacies of this financial ballet.
Resume of the Situation:
In the latest whisperings across the internet galleries, more precisely on some X platform that rivals the Agora of old, one Julio Moreno – cryptanalyst extraordinaire – descends upon us like a cuckoo in a cuckooland nest. He speaks of the skirmish that erupted in November when the Bitcoin Long-Term Holders, the LTHs, those who let their coins nap longer than a Russian winter, reportedly cast away their treasures.
The sages at TD Cowen, with their crystal balls and spreadsheets, whisper warnings: the gears of progress grind slower than a philosopher’s ponderings. 🧠 Conflicts of interest, those pesky devils, have thrown sand into the machinery, leaving the bill’s fate as murky as a Moscow fog. 🌫️
Let’s set the scene: crypto Twitter is currently a circus where every third tweet screams “XRP TO THE MOON!!! 💥” with the subtlety of a toddler on espresso. But Mason, bless his brutally honest heart, has stepped in to say, “Oh, absolutely not. Put the Kool-Aid down.” 🧙♂️
Yet, in this curious dance of numbers, POL’s network usage pirouetted to record-breaking heights, proving that even the most lackluster ballet can steal the spotlight if the audience is sufficiently distracted. 🎭
Gold, that fickle mistress, leaves no room for subtlety. As of January 6th, she trades at a staggering $4,482 per troy ounce. Investors, ever the anxious lot, flock to her embrace, seeking refuge from inflation’s bite, geopolitical squabbles, and the whims of interest rates. 🤑💼
Fresh capital swept through U.S. spot crypto ETFs like a boss babe with a Starbucks in one hand and a spreadsheet in the other. Bitcoin reclaimed its throne, and investors were like, “Yeah, we’re back, baby!” 💃💸
