Indeed, the almighty alchemist, Coinbase, bestowed upon us with a monthly market report, under the mid-August sun. The altcoin community has burgeoned, and yet, the once-mighty Bitcoin (like an aging landlord) sees its grip loosen from 65% to a modest 59%-a decline most intriguing!
In the brave new world of machine economies, trust cannot simply flitter about on the whims of human infatuation; it must be verifiable, quantifiable, and enacted at a speed that even Mercury would envy-protocol speed, if you will. Without this sacred trust, our decentralized AI ventures may well devolve into chaotic arenas teeming with hallucinations, spam, exploitation, and cascading disasters, much like a dinner party that spirals out of control when the wine flows too freely.
The lawsuit, filed in Delaware (because Delaware is the place for all things corporate drama), accuses Bloomberg of “improperly” disclosing his financial secrets. Like, come on, Bloomberg, couldn’t you just stick to reporting on inflation and Elon’s tweets?
Mena Theodorou, who runs a crypto bazaar in a distant land called Australia, has tipped her feathered hat to President Trump. His executive order, fresh as a cabbage, now lets Americans add a pinch of Bitcoin to their retirement soup. Forget stodgy old 401(k) plans-now they’re spiced with cryptocurrency. Mena swears this opens up twelve and a half trillion dollars-enough to pave all of St. Petersburg in gold Satoshis. That’s 90 million savers, though, frankly, how many will remember their passwords is anybody’s guess. 🥔💸
Mr. Biswarup Chatterjee, the imagination behind Citigroup’s partnerships and innovation, has cheekily suggested they will commence by ensuring the reserve assets for top-tier stablecoins are as cautiously watched over as a debutante at her first ball. They’re not shying from pondering asset storage for those illustrious crypto ETFs, you know, those featuring Bitcoin and Ethereum, which dear old Coinbase seems to jealously guard. 🧤
So it turns out, people used to love Bitcoin for the exciting thrill of not sleeping at night and fretting over price charts. In 2023, Bitcoin brought the party with a 35.4% share of all CoinGate orders. By 2024, Bitcoin had been gently escorted out of the spotlight, clutching a juice box, while Tether’s USDT stormed in, waving its spreadsheet and nabbed 39.7% of orders.
Picture this: Raydium doing the cha-cha to $4.10, while the rest of the crypto crowd was busy tanking like a lead balloon on August 14. But Raydium? Nope, still dancing, still bullish-like that gambler in the casino who refuses to lose. Thanks to a cool $200 million in buybacks, RAY is looking as confident as a cat claiming the sunbeam. 😼
“We’ve closed the deal-excited to welcome @LStrijers and the whole Deribit team to Coinbase. Their talent will be a key part of us building the everything exchange, and being able to offer industry-leading derivatives products around the world.”
Ah, the day when Bullish made its grand entrance on the New York Stock Exchange – and let’s just say it didn’t disappoint. According to Bloomberg, the exchange raised a tidy sum of $1.11 billion in its Initial Public Offering (IPO). The shares? A steal at $37 each, up from the predicted range of $32 to $33. The company is now valued at a cool $5.4 billion. A real surprise, considering the crypto market has the stability of a toddler on a sugar rush!
