Cryptonews

By Shayan (the chart-jugglin’ wizard)

While most altcoins were busy licking their wounds after the crash, TAO was like, “Hold my beer,” and proceeded to stage one of the most impressive recoveries in recent memory. What’s behind this sudden surge? A few things, actually:

Mark your calendars, for this coming Monday Hyperliquid shall enact its HIP-3 upgrade, an event that will-if the reports are to be believed-allow any sufficiently onchain-enthusiast to launch perpetual futures markets. How delightfully democratic! 🤓

This decision spills a splash of sunshine onto WazirX’s approximately 16 million users-mostly Indian, but let’s not discriminate-who can now dream of recovering a hefty chunk of their lost digital treasure amid the chaos of ongoing regulatory skirmishes and recovery efforts. Cheers to small victories, and here’s hoping the next chapter involves fewer hacks and more happy endings! 🥂🙃

Mr. Gasparino, a chronicler of such affairs, suggests Trump’s inner circle views the charges against CZ as… let us say, insufficiently robust to warrant such severity. Perhaps justice, in its infinite wisdom (or lack thereof), has been too hasty. One wonders if the scent of opportunity – namely, CZ remaining the largest shareholder of a rather profitable exchange – does not somewhat influence this assessment. 🤔

What to know in 30 seconds or less:

Now, let’s not forget this project has been marinating in the development pot for longer than a Thanksgiving turkey-over half a decade, mind you. It finally saw the light of day earlier this year, already sporting a fan base bigger than a circus tent. But, like a firecracker with a damp fuse, its progress fizzled out quicker than a New Year’s resolution. That is, until now. Apparently, the Pi Mainnet is popping off like popcorn at a movie theater, with over 210 live apps and a whopping 23,000 more in the pipeline, ready to launch faster than a kid on a sugar high. 🍿🎢

The esteemed Chamber of Deputies, in a rare moment of clarity perhaps inspired by the musings of a restless spirit, has removed from its legislative agenda the infamous Provisional Measure (MP) 1,303/2025, rendering it as irrelevant as last week’s newspaper, and halting the planned tax on Bitcoin and its elusive digital cousins.

This all went down during crypto’s version of the Titanic hitting the iceberg. 🏔️🚢 Nearly 1.7 million traders got liquidated in 24 hours, wiping out $19.3 billion. Binance? Oh, they just lost $1.4 billion in long positions and $981 million in shorts. Casual Friday, am I right? 😬

Indian tax authorities, never ones to miss an opportunity for paperwork, have launched what they charmingly call a “probe” into the financial affairs of several hundred crypto enthusiasts. These unfortunate souls, allegedly high-net-worth individuals (though their current net worth remains to be seen), stand accused of the grave crime of not sufficiently funding the government’s tea budget.