Back in July, everyone was having a great time. Cardano rallies up 30%—which, by the way, is more excitement than I’ve had in my knees in years. Probably had something to do with some “macroeconomic news.” You know, news. The kind you can’t pronounce but everyone pretends to understand. 📈🎉
Les vendeurs, comme un acteur en retard, ont fait descendre le prix sous 115 000 dollars, mais voilà qu’ils peinent à maintenir cette scène tragique. 🎭
Now, companies in the UK will soon be able to offer these delightful cETNs to retail consumers, with the regulatory changes taking effect on Oct. 8, according to an FCA announcement on Friday. Quite the turn of events, wouldn’t you say? 🎉
Bitcoin (BTC), ornery and red-eyed, dropped below $115,000 with the grace of a broken tractor, a far cry from that July 14th peak when it strutted at $123,000. Top losers, if we must name them (and we must), include SPX6900, Pendle, and Virtuals Protocol—all down ten percent or more. The only thing falling faster is my hope for an early retirement.
Now Coinbase—big shot in the crypto world—drops their Q2 report, and guess what? XRP is the star of the show. More trading volume than ETH. Yeah, I said it. Simply put, XRP is now the cool kid in school, and ETH is just… the kid who used to be cool, but now nobody remembers what they did wrong. Only a 1% difference, but hey, that’s a lot of zeroes in the right spot.
On the ever-reliable blockchain, the wallet “0xd8d0” was spotted transferring a mere $178.36 million in USDC to market makers Wintermute and Coinbase. In return, it received 893 BTC (worth a rather modest $103.5 million) and 20,000 ETH, which one can only assume are the digital equivalent of treasure hoards. It’s hard to feel sorry for a whale with such a big appetite for crypto delicacies.
As if to make things interesting, Bridgewater proceeded to gift a sizable slice of its pie—nearly 20%—to the sovereign wealth fund of Brunei in a deal so multibillion-dollar that even the calculators needed a break. Imagine that: from a humble apartment to global riches, with a pit stop in Brunei. Classic travel itinerary for financial institutions, really.
Behold, the 4-hour chart for $SOL is practically begging for an Oscar nomination. The price has elegantly pirouetted onto the strong horizontal support at $168, while giving a cheeky wink to the 0.5 Fibonacci level. Truly, it’s as if the price were rehearsing its lines backstage before making a grand entrance. Look closer, dear, and you’ll see how impeccably the Fibonacci extension levels have been followed. Bravo! 👏
In a feat worthy of the gods—or at least Wall Street—Bitcoin crowned July with a regal close at $115,800, etching its name into the annals of history.
Over $751 million in traders’ bravely borrowed money – because who doesn’t enjoy gambling with Uncle Crypto’s credit card? – was forcibly sent back to where all the best magic tricks happen: the great beyond of liquidations. The lion’s share of this magic trick came from those overly bullish traders, who thought they could ride the wave and ended up with their portfolios looking like a pancake after a bad flip, with $706 million of their hopes evaporating like dew at dawn, thanks to CoinGlass’s fuzzy data and a pinch of market chaos.
