Cryptonews

Hayes, that grizzled prophet of profit—if only Mother Russia had fewer prophets and more potatoes—utters his warning beneath fluorescent office lights, not prison moonlight. Mark my words, he says. When the orange czar Trump signs his “Big Beautiful Bill,” Bitcoin shall stumble, face-first, into the snow. The U.S. Treasury will borrow with appetite unmatched since GULAG soup lines; liquidity will dry like the Volga in July. Oh, but do not weep for Bitcoin, comrades! After licking its wounds at $90,000—just a mere pittance, hardly worth a ration card—it shall rise, fueled by hope and perhaps a little vodka. Hayes chuckles: The government has a taste for stablecoins—not for commerce, mind you, but to paper over the vast black pit of U.S. debt. 🤡

“If true (again, I’m speculating on straws here), this would be by far the largest heist in human history,” Grogan said in an X post on Friday, after raising the slim chance that the $8.6 billion worth of Bitcoin (BTC) moved from eight separate wallets was the work of bad actors.

In a recent post on X, Santiment unveiled a chart comparing the concentration of supply among the top ten wallets for eight cryptocurrencies: Shiba Inu, Ethereum (ETH), Pepe (PEPE), USDT, USDC, DAI, Chainlink (LINK), and Uniswap (UNI). The chart, a visual feast for the data enthusiast, is as follows:

Turns out, a couple of slumbering sea monsters (“whales,” as the city slickers say) rolled over in their watery beds and sent a whopping 20,000 BTC — that’s about $2.18 billion by my arithmetic — shuffling out the door in just one session. If you listened real close, you could almost hear a chorus of fainting spells from Wall Street to Timbuktu.

IBIT is a slick, user-friendly ticket to the Bitcoin circus, but it brings the same amount of drama—price action all day, all night, and an inviting risk of regulatory curveballs. IVV, by comparison, is the sensible friend who calls a cab at midnight. Investors need to decide if they’re after thrill rides—or the reliable hum of the equity market’s grand old engine. The only sure thing: cryptocurrencies are having their moment in the sun, and, for once, it’s not just because something broke.

While most altcoins were busy taking a nosedive amid Bitcoin’s slip from its lofty highs of $110k on Friday, Humanity’s native token was busy mooning, much to the delight of its holders 🚀. The token’s price surged from lows of $0.072 to above $0.108, leaving many to wonder what’s behind this sudden and unexpected rise 🤔.

An algorithm — forged not in a gulag, but perhaps deserving of one — prophesies a 17% rise for the meme coin within a mere thirty days. The way is supposedly clear for DOGE to hurl itself to $0.2 by the first week of August. Perhaps next month will be a harvest, with peasants everywhere rallying their rickety portfolios as another coin, utterly serious in its unseriousness, reaches for $0.21. Or perhaps it’s just another hallucination induced by the fumes of speculation.

As it transitions into a BNB-centric digital asset company, its latest acquisition has sparked a most thrilling upward price movement for the coin 🚀 – a development that has left market observers positively giddy with excitement.

According to the folks at Deribit, 27,384 Bitcoin options contracts are set to expire, with a notional value of $2.98 billion. That’s a lot of cash, honey! 💸 The put-call ratio is currently at 1.05, which is like a big ol’ bear hug for the market 🐻.

The appointment comes as Binance deepens its focus on regulated markets across the region. Lynch’s responsibilities include driving regional growth while maintaining user protection standards as the exchange adapts to frameworks like Europe’s MiCA regulations.