One must confess, dear reader, that such predictions are as reliable as the weather in Bath-though infinitely more entertaining. At present, Bitcoin lingers near $93,000, having previously flirted with $126,000 before remembering its place. Will it rise to Mr. Garlinghouse’s lofty expectations, or shall it, like so many young ladies at a ball, find itself disappointed? Only time-and perhaps a dash of folly-will tell. 🎩
Hernández, who’d been sentenced to 45 years for turning his country into a cocaine conveyor belt (because nothing says “leadership” like playing air traffic control for drug cartels 🛫🚯), walked free thanks to Trump’s holiday spirit. Prosecutors had accused him of helping traffickers move “hundreds of tons of cocaine,” but hey, maybe he just really loves bulk purchases? 🛒
On the second day of December, in a year that somehow still exists, Franklin Templeton declared-with the solemnity of a drunken town crier-that its Franklin Crypto Index ETF (Cboe: EZPZ, because why make it easy?) had decided to embrace chaos. No longer content with the staid company of bitcoin and ether, the ETF now rolls with the likes of XRP, SOL, DOGE (because memes are serious business), ADA, XLM, and LINK (the token, not the hero of Hyrule).
What triggered this? Well, after the 2024 presidential election, ETF firms thought they’d struck gold with the new administration. “Crypto-friendly regulation!” they thought. “Let’s file for ultra-leveraged ETFs and get rich quick!” They targeted volatile assets like Bitcoin, Ethereum, Tesla, and Nvidia, hoping to cash in before the regulators caught wind. Spoiler alert: the regulators did. 💸
CryptoQuant trackers and a bunch of other “official-sounding” reports are calling this a “long-term storage thing,” which has historically meant that the market is going to make you richer in the long run. At least that’s the narrative they’re spinning. Trust the process, folks! 💰
So, Aster (ASTER), you’re in a bit of a pickle now, aren’t you? That $1.10 point of control? It’s like the bouncer at an exclusive club, and you’re not on the list. 🚫 The sellers are back in town, and they’re not here to make friends. Your rally? Cute, but it lacked the oomph-you know, the kind of volume that says, “I’m here to stay.” Instead, you’re looking at a corrective move that’s more dramatic than a soap opera plot twist. 🧼✨
Ode to a faltering star: Solana, that celestial body of blockchain lore, now stumbles beneath the weight of its own shadow. Ted Pillows, a bard of the markets, declared on X that the corporate treasuries-those once-mighty citadels of SOL-now sink like stones in a wine-dark sea. Their wallets, once bloated with bullish fervor, now shrivel like old parchment in a damp cellar. 📜
If you’re convinced Bitcoin is marching toward six figures, the bigger question is where the next asymmetric upside comes from. Right now, the world’s leading crypto is holding near $93K-so why not dream bigger? 🌟
Also, that $100-120 billion figure? Less than half of DeFi’s 2021 peak. Back then, the game was simple: mint tokens, call them “rewards,” and watch people flock like pigeons to a breadstick convention. It worked until it didn’t. Because of course it did. 🐦🍝
According to a Monday announcement (because Mondays are for making bold decisions), the Minister of Justice, Paata Salia, had a little chat with Hedera’s rep. They’re basically plotting to turn Georgia’s National Agency of Public Registry into a blockchain superstar. 🌟 “Greater protection of property rights, transparency, and reliability,” they say. We say, finally, a government move that’s not as messy as a Tinder date gone wrong.
