Zeberg, our very own Crypto Cassandra, took to X to warn that Bitcoin isn’t just having a bad day-it’s full-on gaslighting investors. “It’s not a healthy expansion phase,” he declared, “it’s a pre-crash party nobody invited you to.” Spoiler: the music’s about to stop, and the DJ is already running for the hills 🏃♂️🔥.
Of course, we needed a Spot XRP ETF to legitimize this whole crypto circus. Franklin Templeton, bless their 1947-era socks, launched the Franklin XRP Trust-ticker: XRPZ. It’s like crypto, but with a middleman who charges fees! The ETF is a “grantor trust” (translate: we put your money in a box and call it sophisticated). Custody handled by Coinbase Custody Trust Company, because obviously that’s trustworthy. Administered by BNY Mellon, because they’ve spilled more coffee than you’ve earned on crypto. But hey, it’s “regulated quality” now. Hooray!
Of course, everyone’s like, “What the hell just happened?” 🤷♂️ Because, you know, crypto logic is about as clear as my chances of winning a marathon. 🏃♂️💨
According to the wise sages at Farside Investors, the 11 spot Bitcoin ETFs amassed $21.4 billion in net inflows. But alas, not all funds shared in the glory. Grayscale’s GBTC, the fallen hero, suffered $3.9 billion in outflows, dragging its peers into a combined $3.1 billion loss for the year. A tale of triumph and tragedy! 🎭
Why stablecoins, you ask? Well, the RBI thinks they’re like intergalactic ninjas, stealthily posing risks to financial stability and monetary sovereignty. Forget them! They’re practically counterfeiters in a digital world, failing in the three sacred principles of money: singleness, elasticity, and, oh yes, integrity! 🚫
In the latest episode of “Crypto, the Bored Edition,” analytics firm Santiment took to X (formerly Twitter-because why not make things more confusing?) to spill the tea on the sector’s dwindling trading activity. Turns out, the total tokens involved in trading over the past week are now as hush-hush as my New Year’s resolutions. 📉
Ethereum, that floppy-eared titan of altcoins, is currently defying gravity in the most pedestrian way possible-by getting stuck in a $2,800-$3,000 Hamptons rental. For weeks it’s been hanging out in that range like it’s waiting for someone to hand it a martini and a monogrammed towel. But don’t panic! Crypto Batman (yes, that’s his actual Twitter handle) claims we’re all “trading around the equilibrium level.” Never mind that this “equilibrium” could more accurately be described as the point where humans start questioning why they didn’t invest in Beanie Babies instead.
On-chain detective work reveals they scooped up roughly 9,850 BTC, a wallet-busting amount of about $876 million, depending on the mood of the Bitcoin price. It’s like picking up your groceries-only with a few million more zeros in your bank account.
And naturally, it’s the whales. Always the whales. The little guys were buying, which is… endearing, I guess? A little pathetic, honestly. But the big guys? Selling! They pushed it up, took their profits and then bailed. Classic. You’d think they’d have some loyalty. Some communal spirit!
