Crypto Crooks Strike Again: $2.4 Billion Lifted in 2025 and Nobody’s Grandma Is Safe

This jolly news comes courtesy of SlowMist’s mid-year “Blockchain Security and AML Report.” The score: $2.37 billion spirited away in just 121 incidents in H1 2025. The kicker? That’s nearly 66% more cash lost than at this time in 2024, although—miracle of miracles—the number of incidents actually went down. It’s like fewer bank robbers, but each one left riding a gilded carriage.

Bitcoin Frenzy: Did Jittery Traders Just Outrun the Fed? 😏💸

Over at Binance, if you listened close, you could hear a thundering—a hundred million bucks in net taker volume, not from the timid but the hungry, the bold, each one outbidding a neighbor for a little slice of hope before the government flashed its numbers. Classic human nature: just before the dawn, someone’s always buying candles.

Trump’s Crypto Catastrophe: A Tale of Two Portfolios 🤑

President Donald Trump, that stalwart champion of… well, himself, saw his personal crypto portfolio plummet by a whopping 78% in just six short months 📉. One can almost hear the anguished cries of “Fake news!” and “Sad!” echoing through the halls of Trump Tower 🗼️.

Get Ready for the Crypto-tastic Week in US House!

In a surprising turn of events, the same day President Donald Trump’s “One Big Beautiful Bill” was passed, Republican House leaders decided to declare the week of July 14th as “Crypto Week”! 🎉 According to a press release by Arkansas House Republican French Hill, this week will feature a marathon review of three key pieces of crypto legislation. 📜