As reported by the mysterious entities at IntoTheBlock (how Chekhov longed for data, any data!), approximately 100.54 trillion SHIB tokens now lie “in the money,” like so many rubles tucked under a mattress. This, at the time of writing, equates to about $1.16 billion—a princely sum, nearly enough to keep Aunt Sofya from complaining about her samovar collection.
Krispy Kreme, purveyor of rings of fried joy, found itself in the kind of sticky situation usually reserved for fingers glazed with sugar—not sensitive information. Yes, friends, the alarm bells are sounding across America! Hackers have pilfered the digital doughnut box and helped themselves to 161,676 names, Social Security numbers, and, for good measure, a few squiggly sprinkles such as driver’s licenses and account passwords. You know—just enough to open a new bank account and maybe even get a driver’s license in Boston under the name “Mr. Glazed O. Donut.”
Breaking out the MiCA passport (is it leather-bound? Embossed? We may never know), OKX executes its grand entrance from that well-known crypto haven, Malta. Now, thanks to those notoriously “stringent” EU rules—no wild west, only mildly wild—we have transparency, reliability, and a blizzard of paperwork. This is less another product launch and more a dramatic overture: a connection between Spanish wallets and the ever-sparkling universe of digital assets. Bravo, one might say, if one were awake.
Here’s what happened: Coinme showed an absolutely remarkable disregard for the rules—letting people swap or scoop up more than $1,000 a day from their machines. Apparently, they also thought that receipts are merely “suggestions” and left off a few key disclosures. Not exactly consumer-friendly, unless you’re an aspiring international man of mystery.
Over 1,230,000 BTC, that’s 6.2% of circulating supply, sit imprisoned in Bitcoin Spot ETFs. Picture six out of every hundred gold coins—sulking in glass cubicles, the scent of long-term faith wafting out like cold tea.🍵
Over the last ten years, cryptocurrency has evolved into a massive financial sector, now valued at trillions of dollars. However, this rapid expansion has brought to light a major issue: the safety and security of user assets. Despite the crypto industry’s pitch of financial independence through self-possession, billions of dollars are still lost annually due to security lapses. The bull market of 2024 saw a surge in crypto-related crimes, a trend that has continued into 2025. Throughout the past year, cybercriminals are believed to have stolen approximately $1.73 billion in digital assets, with a large portion linked to breached private keys, seed phrases, and exchange hacks. These incidents are not isolated cases; they are persistent issues that undermine trust and slow down broader acceptance of cryptocurrency.
Upon being summoned to address the venerable Senate Banking Committee (who, frankly, have never seen a digital asset they couldn’t interrogate mercilessly), Hines doubled down. He’s been calling Bitcoin “Digital Gold” since being installed as Executive Director of the President’s Council of Advisers on Digital Assets—a title that surely strains both business cards and patience at social functions.
The video game emporium, known for swapping much-loved controllers for the princely sum of tuppence, finds itself sitting on a mountain of cash—a worryingly responsible $2.7 billion, to be precise, courtesy of zero-coupon convertible senior notes. The SEC, always keen to know who’s up to what, has given a brisk nod following a $450 million “greenshoe”—which, in the language of finance, is not something you wear, but apparently buy when feeling especially bullish.
The new trick? Users can allegedly “win up to $500 worth of FUN” tokens per spin—just for hurling words into yet another Telegram group or losing a quiz to someone called CryptoDad78.
Meet Unitree G1—a humanoid robot, forged in the glittering labs of China’s Unitree, powered by the open-source daydreams of software outfit Openmind. This metallic beanpole waltzed right up and rang the opening bell at Nasdaq, because clearly not even the global stock market is safe from robots’ LinkedIn hustle.