Cryptonews

Imagine: BitGo, that stolid cat—sits upon $100 billion in coins (hardly a sum for a mere piggy bank, unless your pig owns a yacht). And what of Polymarket? This merry congregation, fueled by gossip and the clinking of venture rubles, approaches the fabled Unicorn Valuation. I assure you, it’s quite the horse—with wings of speculation and the suspicious smell of burnt cabbage.

Crypto traders, by now professionally traumatized by every Powell syllable, found the message about as soothing as a lobster in a boiling pot: the next four weeks, gloriously punctuated by the 12 July CPI fête and the 19 July payrolls parade, will determine if July’s FOMC meeting offers salvation or another undignified tumble into chaos.