In a recent post that could either make you rich or question your life choices, Lagen shared a chart so detailed it probably has its own ZIP code. His thesis? Bitcoin’s been doing financial yoga-bending down into a corrective pose (Wave IV, for those keeping score) but still holding the mat together. If it stays above $74,400, he says, it’s just a “healthy reset.” Translation: It’s not the apocalypse… yet.
Historical precedents, those ever-reliable arbiters of future prospects, now whisper of further woes. Though certain indicators suggest a modicum of oversold relief, the broader outlook remains as dour as a spinster’s teacup. One cannot help but wonder if Solana’s charm has entirely faded from the ballroom of crypto.
The sale comes as ETH hovers near critical technical support at $2,100. Market observers question the timing, given Ethereum’s steep decline from December highs above $4,900. Because who needs a peak when you can have a dramatic exit?
Behold, all eyes are glued-nay, glued with the tenacity of a Gogol protagonist to his absurdity-upon Strategy, as the fickle Bitcoin slipped below the company’s average cost of $76,052 per coin. The stock, ever the obedient servant, mirrored the U.S. indexes, which ended the day bathed in the crimson hue of despair.
So, here’s the scoop: our favorite Ethereum co-founder Vitalik Buterin says it’s time to hit the reset button on how we think about Layer-2 networks. Apparently, the whole rollup-centric vision is about as relevant as dial-up internet.
Benjamin Cowen, that sage of crypto cycles, grumbles that Bitcoin’s slip below its April 2025 low is no mere stumble-it’s a crossroads. He speaks of a bounce, a brief reprieve, like a parched man sipping from a mirage. If it clings to that lifeline, the market might shuffle toward late Q3 or early Q4, where the land is kinder, the soil richer. But Cowen, ever the realist, knows this is no picnic. Past cycles have shown that failure to rise? That’s when the earth cracks open, and the midterm becomes a wasteland of regret.
The air of foreboding thickens, as the bearish outlook gathers strength; it appears our dear ZEC has breached a key support level, much like a clumsy elephant wading through a delicate china shop. Traders, too, have donned their gloomy capes, raising bearish bets as if preparing for an impending storm, while market sentiment is as weak as a soggy biscuit left out in the rain.
In a press release so meticulously crafted it could double as a sonnet, the Ripple team announced their triumph: a full EU Electronic Money Institution (EMI) license in Luxembourg. The CSSF, Luxembourg’s financial gatekeeper, bestowed this golden ticket upon them, a nod to their ability to navigate the labyrinth of regulations with the grace of a drunk acrobat. According to the team, this license is a “significant milestone,” a phrase so overused it’s practically a currency in itself.
Bitcoin, that perennial star, climbed to $78,330, a 5% rise from its monthly nadir. Ethereum, Solana, and Hyperliquid, ever the loyal companions, also danced in the green. The market capitalization of all tokens, like a weary traveler, inched up 0.62% in the last 24 hours.
ING Germany, catering to over 9M customers, quietly integrated crypto ETPs (Exchange Traded Products) and ETNs (Exchange Traded Notes) into its retail banking interface. The partners? Asset management heavyweights Bitwise and VanEck. A union of old money and new money, like a dowager countess marrying a crypto bro. Poetic, isn’t it?
