Our U.S. Attorney’s Office, stationed faithfully in the South District of New York, reminded us that Magdaleno was instrumental in orchestrating this ludicrous two-step with assets extracted from unsuspecting chaps looking for a bit of a financial flutter on the ups and downs of cryptocurrency. This, as it turned out, was an old-school confidence trick with fresh digital trimmings.
Key Takeaways 🗝️
This tightening of the fiscal noose hath sent tremors through the ranks of macro analysts, who, with furrowed brows, prognosticate doom for Bitcoin. Might it plummet below $63,000? Alas, the cryptosphere holds its breath. 💸
A whole passel of digital asset and fintech groups are tryin’ to head off any restrictions on these stablecoin incentives. The Blockchain Association, a Washington-based trade organization representin’ crypto and blockchain enterprises, dispatched a letter on the 18th of December warnin’ Congress against revisitin’ the GENIUS Act’s stablecoin reward provisions. Seems they’re fearin’ a second helping of trouble.
During a policy discussion that was approximately 47% jargon and 53% caffeine-fueled optimism, the U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) held a roundtable that could generously be described as “slightly less bureaucratic than usual.” Chairperson Paul S. Atkins, who may or may not have been sipping from a mug labeled “World’s Best Regulator,” framed crypto as a positive force for modernizing markets. He even dropped this gem: “Crypto has been a forcing function,” which is regulatory-speak for “It’s making us actually think about stuff for once.”
MoonPay, that sly alchemist, turns dollars into digital dust and back again, all while gobbling startups like a gourmand at a buffet. 🍴 And who joins this feast? None other than Caroline Pham, former CFTC chair, now MoonPay’s legal sorceress. 🧙♀️
Now, hold your horses and ignore the infernal cries of catastrophe; for the so-called calamity is but an illusion, a play upon words about the concept known as amendment blocking. Here, the network does not collapse into chaos but ensnares these servers in a state of purposeful exclusion. Like the steadfast peon who learns the rules only to find himself outside their bounds, old software finds itself bewildered by new mandates and is thus relegated to the sidelines. 📜
While some capital has returned through exchange-traded funds (ETFs), broader market signals suggest that selling pressure and weak participation continue to weigh on sentiment. Consequently, recent weeks have shown that Bitcoin’s recovery attempts remain fragile. 🐺
In a move that’s about as unexpected as discovering your Aunt Mabel has a secret tattoo of a pirate, Coinbase has flung open the gilded doors of its derivatives bazaar. The X announcement (formerly known as Twitter, because rebranding is cheaper than sanity) declared US perpetual-style futures officially live – and nestled cozily among such dignified fellows as Cardano, Chainlink, and Polkadot, like pugs at a philosophy symposium, we find DOGE and SHIB.
SOL, that ever-optimistic token, has decided to take a leisurely stroll downward while the rest of the altcoin market sprints ahead, muttering something about “falling fees” and “DApp revenues.” 🐢