Cryptonews

In a move that’s about as unexpected as discovering your Aunt Mabel has a secret tattoo of a pirate, Coinbase has flung open the gilded doors of its derivatives bazaar. The X announcement (formerly known as Twitter, because rebranding is cheaper than sanity) declared US perpetual-style futures officially live – and nestled cozily among such dignified fellows as Cardano, Chainlink, and Polkadot, like pugs at a philosophy symposium, we find DOGE and SHIB.

SOL, that ever-optimistic token, has decided to take a leisurely stroll downward while the rest of the altcoin market sprints ahead, muttering something about “falling fees” and “DApp revenues.” 🐢

In his latest video, our economic wizard declares the Fed’s decision to ditch quantitative tightening (QT) and start gobbling up short-term U.S. Treasury bills is like feeding a dragon with fireworks. 🧨 Boom! Inflation’s back, and it’s brought its party hat! 🎈

Cardano (ADA) token was trading at $0.3720, its lowest level in over a year. However, its technicals and improved fundamentals indicate a near-term rebound. 🤑 (Or a mirage in the desert of crypto.)

Pepe (PEPE) token fell to a low of $0.000003745, its lowest level since Oct. 10, and about 78% below its highest point in May this year. (Because nothing says “confidence” like a 78% crash.)

Market activity remains high, with 24-hour trading volume at $31.3 billion. Traders are watching price levels like they’re at a high-stakes poker game. 🃏📈

According to a post on X by user UnknowDLT, XRP’s place in global payment rails was “planned more than a decade ago,” and the token could one day become “the most valuable asset in the world.” Oh, and the world is “NOT ready.” Because nothing says “confidence” like yelling into the void. 🐍💰

Imagine a glorious January day, January 6th, 2025, when the meme coin market was a bubbling, snorting, happy cow of a thing, worth a staggering $127.91 billion. And oh, how everyone was giggling at the thought of endless riches, feeling as invincible as a superhero in pajamas. But then, like a giant sneezing fit, over $86 billion fluttered away faster than a chicken on a July afternoon, leaving the sector wobbling at just $41.61 billion-a sad, deflated balloon. Happy days, huh? 🎈

SoFiUSD is here to save the day for banks, fintechs, and enterprise partners, offering 24/7, near-instant settlement on a public, permissionless blockchain. Because who needs weekends when you can move money at the speed of a caffeinated trader?

Apparently, this wallet-possibly linked to Erik Voorhees, the big cheese of ShapeShift-has been busy as a bee these past couple of weeks. You know, just casually selling 4,619 ETH, which, at current prices, is cooler than a polar bear’s toenails-about $13.42 million. Yep, that’s a nice chunk of change that would make any crypto enthusiast envy your grandma’s cookie jar. 🐻💰