Bitcoin ETFs Bleed $3.79B: BlackRock Leads the Crypocalypse 🤑💔

November, once a month of harvest, now threatens to be the cruelest of all, with $3.79 billion fleeing like rats from a sinking ship. 🚢💸 February’s record of $3.56 billion lies shattered, a relic of a time when hope still flickered. And who leads this danse macabre? None other than BlackRock’s IBIT, shedding $2.47 billion-a full 63% of the month’s outflows. Ki Young Ju, CryptoQuant’s oracle, dubbed it IBIT’s “largest weekly outflow ever.” Bravo, BlackRock. Encore, anyone? 🎭

Aster’s $70M Buyback & Coinbase Listing: Bullish or Just a Flirty Bounce? 💸🚀

Aster’s trading at $1.25 right now, down 4.2% in the last 24 hours. But hey, it’s holding steady like a champ in a $1.02-$1.39 range. Up 22% in a week and 19% in a month? Not bad for a token that probably still lives with its parents. 😏 Trading volume? Through the roof at $953 million, up 27%. Derivatives markets, though? Acting like they’ve got a headache and just want to go home. Futures volume up 7%, but open interest down 6.6%. Traders, you’re so moody! 😒

Oh Dear! Bitcoin’s Plunge: $60K Next? 🤑💸

Bitcoin, that darling of the digital realm, has suffered a most unbecoming decline of 7.32% in the past day, now languishing at a mere £85,566. Its market cap, once a towering £1.70 trillion, has shrunk like a timid wallflower at a ball, while trading volumes have surged to £96 billion, a sure sign of panic among the ranks. 🥴

Is DOGE’s $0.15 Fort Knox? 😏

Can the downtrodden DOGE truly clutch the $0.15 base, like some intellectual swansong, amid this digital fray? Its brethren falter and decay, yet DOGE stands firm, more like a philosophizing prisoner than a transient token!

Bitcoin’s Wild Ride: $80K or $250K? 🌪️💰

Behold, the crypto markets, once a haven for the bold, now face the chill of renewed stress as liquidity wanes. Arthur Hayes, the sage of Bitmex and CIO of Maelstrom, proclaimed on the 17th of November that the fading embrace of institutional flows and the tightening noose of the dollar have cast a shadow over the bullish chants of politicians. Bitcoin, once a darling of the masses, now stands exposed to the whims of sharper swings. 🌪️

WhatsApp Worm: Brazil’s Crypto Wallets in Chaos! 🚨

The attack, a masterclass in deception, unfolds with the elegance of a well-rehearsed play. A mere click on a malicious link, and voilà! Your WhatsApp account is hijacked, and malware slithers into your device like a ghost in the machine. 🕵️‍♂️💻

Tether’s Gold Hoard Surges to 116 Tons, Rivals Small Central Banks

According to investment bank Jefferies, the recent surge in gold prices isn’t merely due to the usual suspects-no, this time, we have Tether playing the role of the unexpected villain… or hero? You decide. Their accumulation of substantial gold bullion is tightening supply and giving the precious metal a serious case of the jitters.