Cryptonews

In a post on his X page, Alderoty maintained Ripple “always knew that XRP was not a security.” A sentiment so profound it might have been etched into the marble of the Supreme Court.

Bitcoin, the leading cryptocurrency, has risen slightly, gaining just 0.4% since midnight UTC. It recovered from a low of $73,500 and is now trying to find a new price floor, potentially setting the stage for a larger price increase.

Global digital asset firm GSR, which now seems to be a real estate company for crypto startups, announced the acquisition of Autonomous and Architech in New York on March 17, 2026. Let’s hope they remembered to pay rent this time. Autonomous will keep its name, probably because they’re terrified of change or maybe they just like the sound of their own branding. Architech, meanwhile, becomes GSR’s new Digital Asset Advisory division-because nothing screams ‘advice’ like a company name that sounds like a tech support call.

This strange marriage of new features and rampant scams unveils a fleeting chasm of vulnerability, a stage set for the grand performance of chaos as the platform juggles its spam defenses amidst the confusion.

Mark well, dear reader, Ethereum stands on the precipice of a revolution in transaction speed, thanks to the latest whimsy of its co-founder, Vitalik Buterin. He proclaims a new fast confirmation rule, a mechanism so bold it guarantees transactions shall not revert after but one slot, a fleeting 12 seconds.

The Ripple-linked XRP cryptocurrency has been categorized as a digital commodity, according to a historic joint interpretation issued by the Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) and the Commodity Futures Trading Commission (CFTC) on March 17. The token has now definitely shed the “security” label that would plague it for years. 

In a report that’s as scintillating as a gossip column, cybersecurity darlings Certik have revealed that Openclaw’s security is more hole than substance. Its reliance on “skill scanning” is, frankly, a joke-a feeble attempt to shield users from malicious third-party extensions. How très embarrassing!

Let us unravel this mystery, dear reader, with the curiosity of a child peering into a cookie jar.

The Securities and Exchange Commission and Commodity Futures Trading Commission have released a joint interpretation declaring most crypto assets are not securities. This is either a monumental breakthrough or a bureaucratic sleight of hand-your guess is as good as theirs.

In this new framework, our noble regulators make a distinction so subtle, it could grace the stage of one of my comedies. A crypto token, they proclaim, is not inherently a security-a revelation as startling as a sudden plot twist! Yet, the manner in which it is offered or employed may still ensnare it in the web of securities laws. Oh, the irony!