But what’s this? The DOGE market dips, yet the futures market tells a different tale. It’s as if the investors are saying, “Fear not, dear friends, for we have faith in the king of meme coins!” And faith they have, for the open interest, that magical number that reveals the total number of unsettled active futures contracts, stands at a whopping 12 billion DOGE. A bullish turn, perhaps? 🤔
Blockchain investigator ZachXBT has uncovered a shocking plot involving a $140 million heist from the Central Bank of Brazil. The hackers, who are probably sipping margaritas on a beach somewhere, have started laundering the stolen funds through cryptocurrencies.
Pershing Square Capital, the hedge fund helmed by our dear Bill, has allocated nearly half of its $11.9 billion portfolio into just three assets, as revealed by SEC filings.
As of July 5, 2025, HBAR is trading just above $0.153, which is like finding a nickel on the street after you’ve already spent your last dime. The steady downtrend has been as predictable as a sitcom plot, and the bullish momentum is as strong as a wet noodle. 🍝
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From government bills so big they require their own gravitational field, to Bitcoin waking up like Rip Van Crypto after a 14-year nap, the news cycle has tripped over itself, spilled digital coffee everywhere, and declared, “This is fine.” Robinhood, Ripple, Solana, FTX—they all showed up with PR teams in tow and, in some cases, bailiffs.
Upon entry, those digital buccaneers, as discreet as an elephant tap-dancing on a parquet floor, siphoned choicest sums from the vaults of six unsuspecting banks. Enter the indefatigable blockchain Sherlock, ZachXBT, who tallied that a respectable portion—some $30–40 million, for those counting from their armchairs—transmogfrified at breakneck pace into Bitcoin, Ether, and USDT before vanishing through a labyrinthine warren of regional exchanges and OTC bazaars. The loot’s journey reads less like a bank heist, more like a crypto-themed commedia dell’arte.
This historic transaction marks the largest movement of old coins in eight years, sending ripples through the crypto market and reigniting concerns over selling pressure from long-term holders. 🌊😱
A combination of macro events and sudden whale activity has injected fresh volatility into the digital asset space. The Fear & Greed Index rests at a neutral 51, reflecting indecision among market participants. 🤔
