Kaspersky, the cybersecurity Sherlocks, just blew the lid on this naughty little monster – dubbed “Stealka” (because why not just add a little snark to your malware?), which targets Windows users like a hungry hippo eyeing a buffet of Bitcoin. 🍽️🦛
Meanwhile, investor intrigue reaches fever pitch, yet on-chain activity remains as lively as a dormant volcano. This misalignment is the financial equivalent of a cat watching a mouse, all eyes but no chase-raising questions: is Ethereum really heating up, or just pretending to? 🔥🙄
Here’s the tea. ☕
Its market cap, too, has performed a pas de deux, recovering from a $308 million dip to a robust $443 million-a $100 million leap that would make even the most jaded financier raise an eyebrow. But what, one might ponder, sparked this theatrical rebound? 🧐
“While many trembled at digital media’s revolution, what really happened was a little nudge-an elegant dance-toward evolution,” Grossman chuckled, probably with a glass of something strong. He insists that real-world asset (RWA) tokenization, that curious process of mirroring traditional assets on the blockchain, will make old-school institutions scramble like ants in a sugar jar. And he’s not wrong-
Ash, the modern-day chronicler from Memento Research, has meticulously tracked 118 TGE launches this year, only to find that 100 tokens have fallen beneath their opening prices. The median token, once a symbol of hope, has crashed 71% in fully diluted valuation, its market cap shrinking by 67%. Only 15% of these launches cling to their TGE valuations, like survivors in a shipwreck, clinging to debris in a stormy sea. 🌊⚰️
Let’s get one thing straight: Beth Hammack, the Fed’s resident “spend less, cry more” guru (appointed in 2024 after a Goldman Sachs career), has made her hawkish vibe clear. But 2026? Oh, sweet summer child. She’ll be a voting FOMC member, ready to rain on everyone’s parade. ☔
Chainlink’s Total Value Secured (TVS) stood at $46.03 billion, climbing a modest 2.43% month-over-month. This metric whispered tales of steady on-chain activity, as if LINK were quietly humming a tune while the world screamed in panic.
Then there’s Midnight (NIGHT), suddenly the “new Cardano.” Cue the eye rolls, because every new coin is the “new Cardano” until it inevitably isn’t. But hey, it jumped 40%! Which, let’s be real, means absolutely nothing except that someone, somewhere, made a lot of money and someone else is now frantically Googling “what is a Midnight?” 🤷♀️
