Cathie Wood’s $1.5 Million Bitcoin Prediction Goes Full Mad Hatter

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Some people hoard Beanie Babies in the attic. Cathie Wood hoards Bitcoin and CNBC interviews. 🍸

In the world of awkward Thanksgiving dinners, Cathie is the relative who plops down her plate of wet potato salad and tells you with a straight face that Bitcoin will top out at $750,000 (her “base-case,” since hope floats) and perhaps, in an alternate timeline where we’re all slightly better looking, even $1.5 million. Forget your student debt. Cathie says you might as well buy the next dip and put your future kids through robot college.

Her evidence? Institutions “testing the waters.” Picture Harvard endowment fund managers peering into a murky lake, clutching a $500 million briefcase and wondering if they should swim with the crypto sharks. We haven’t even minted all the coins yet! FOMO is basically etched onto the blockchain at this point. 💸

“Our analyst and our on-chain analyst put [out a] piece recently, and you can see the building blocks, how much share we expect Bitcoin to either take from gold or grow that store-of-value market, institutions moving in – and they’ve barely moved in, we have a million more coins, roughly, to be minted ever, and institutions are just testing the waters right now – and then there’s the emerging market use cases as well.

So we think we have miles to go.” (Miles. Not kilometers—this is America, where Bitcoin and optimism come supersized.)

In case you missed the last family newsletter: ARK Invest, that’s Cathie’s spaceship, launched its very own ETF (ARKB) that’s more or less a pile of Bitcoin with a management fee. They’re now sitting on 48,363 Bitcoin, a number so specific it sounds made up by someone with three imaginary friends and a spreadsheet. This is apparently $5 billion, which is exactly how much money you need to feel anxious about having $5 billion.

And just to sweeten the fever dream, Bitcoin is trading around $103,970 at the moment — or, as your grandfather would say, “That’s how much I paid for my house in 1982.” If you want to watch Cathie say all this with her actual human face, there’s even a YouTube embed for your viewing pleasure. 🖥️

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2025-05-12 10:32