Coinbase vs Oregon: A Crypto Courtroom Comedy of Errors Unfolds! 😂💼

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It appears Coinbase has taken up arms with a determination most resolute, as the State of Oregon has resurrected a most tiresome suit—one long discarded by wiser authorities—and now finds itself branded as driven by political whimsy and fated for swift dismissal.

Coinbase’s Retort: Oregon Doth Protest Too Much Over Old SEC Wrangles

On the eighteenth day of April, Coinbase did declare that it faces anew a securities enforcement action from none other than Oregon’s Attorney General—an act condemned forthwith as both frivolous in law and inspired by mere politics. Paul Grewal, the company’s chief legal knight, imparted in a blog missive:

‘Behold, today shall see filed a securities action against Coinbase, persisting in the recycling of vapid and oft-rebuked notions, cast aside with prejudice by the SEC themselves when they dismissed their own once-ardent case.’

Mr. Grewal lamented that Oregon’s endeavours disregard recent legal winds and public acumen, choosing instead to revive battles long concluded. The venerable U.S. Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) did, on the twenty-seventh of February, dismiss their complaint with a finality most resolute—thus forbidding any repeat performance. Such dismissal required neither penalty nor alteration, showcasing an apparently newfound fondness for crypto under the auspices of the Trump administration.

Coinbase hath framed this suit as an all-too-serious menace to the ongoing Congress’s patient endeavour to fashion clear laws for digital treasures. Mr. Grewal did assert that both the Demon and the Elephant armies are inching toward an accord, whilst Oregon doth seek to undo such harmony: “Instead of awaiting the wise decrees of Congress, Oregon chooses to impose its will upon a global trade by mere enforcement,” quoth he. This, he says, is a relic of a more muddled age, impeding all progress. “Oregon’s obstinate gambit is obstruction simply for obstruction’s sake.”

To further amuse and enlighten, Grewal took to the scrolls of X, sharing thus: “If thou think me hasty in judgment, the AG’s office hath confessed they pursue the very path once trod by Gary Gensler’s SEC. Verily.” He mused: “Such folly is the antithesis of what the American folk should cherish. Never have we been so near to bipartisan clarity in digital laws, yet this lawsuit doth protect neither consumer nor country’s pride.”

Despite this legal tempest, Coinbase assured its patrons in Oregon and beyond that its operations remain resolute and unmarred. The chief lawman vowed readiness to meet the fray in courts of justice:

“Let there be no question: Oregon’s suit, like that of the SEC, is void of merit, and Coinbase shall employ any means to put it to flight.”

He concluded with a flourish, affirming Coinbase’s unwavering loyalty to the crypto realm and all its followers: “We shrink not before injustice, nor shall we cease to champion our customers and the greater cause.”

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2025-04-19 02:57