Coinbase’s Dreadful DeSci Debut: Crypto Darlings Tumble Into the Scientific Abyss

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Call for fanfare, summon ticker tape, and perhaps rouse the ghost of Mendel, for the great Coinbase, bastion of American crypto-enthusiasm (and, let’s face it, occasional mayhem), has offered its blessing to two DeSci minstrels: Bio Protocol (BIO) and ResearchCoin (RSC). And what rapturous celebration awaits such a listing! If by “rapturous” one means a run on the fainting couches as their value plummets elegantly through the floor.

To signal this occasion, Coinbase regaled X (née Twitter) with a perfunctory pronouncement fit for a minor royal at a garden party:

“ResearchCoin [and] Bio Protocol [are] now live on http://coinbase.com and in the Coinbase iOS and Android apps. Coinbase customers can log in to buy, sell, convert, send, receive or store these assets.”

And how did the tokens repay this adulation? BIO, ever the demure debutante, chose to situate itself at $0.0612, a gentle 7.3% swoon, while RSC, not to be outdone in the quest for dramatic effect, plunged an aristocratic 34% in a single day. Quite the entrance, or perhaps an artful swoon—one suspects Lady Bracknell would approve. 😏

Incidentally, our friends at Coinbase, perpetually enamoured with novelty, had also admitted RSC to the grand halls of “Base”—their proprietary blockchain—where, with the grace of a startled academic, the price leapt before remembering to consult gravity.

Bio Protocol, if its manifesto is to be believed, dreams of roping in patients, researchers, and crypto devotees to fund the birthpangs of future biotechnological marvels. No word yet as to whether this funding will be delivered by crisp blockchain ledger or wrapped, discreetly, inside a martyr’s biography.

“Our mission is to reshape how biotech breakthroughs are born by enabling global communities of patients, researchers and crypto users to create user-owned research networks that fund and develop new and emerging biotechnologies from day one?”

One can only hope their next breakthrough involves a vaccine for sudden, post-listing light-headedness—or a tea strong enough to survive a Coinbase launch. 🍵💸

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2025-08-02 01:02