Coinbase’s Job Boom: Thanks, Trump! Who Knew Crypto Could Be So Funny? 😂

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In a twist of fate that even the most seasoned fortune teller would find hard to predict, Coinbase’s illustrious CEO, Brian Armstrong, has proclaimed that the grandiloquent pro-crypto proclamations of none other than President Donald Trump have ignited a veritable hiring frenzy. Yes, you heard it right! A staggering 1,000 new jobs are set to sprout in the United States by the year 2025, all thanks to the man with the golden hair and a penchant for Twitter. 🦸‍♂️

“Coinbase is planning to hire about 1000 people in the United States this year as a direct result of his actions already in the first 60 days or so,” Armstrong declared with the fervor of a man who has just discovered the secret to eternal youth, in a video posted to X on March 7. One can only imagine the confetti raining down in the Coinbase headquarters as this news broke!

Coinbase employees define Trump’s plan

“These policies really matter; this is the most pro-crypto Congress we’ve ever seen as well,” he continued, as if he were unveiling the latest fashion trend rather than discussing economic policy. With the addition of these 1,000 employees, Coinbase’s workforce would swell by a whopping 27%, according to the latest data from Stockanalysis, which, let’s be honest, sounds like a place where numbers go to party.

Armstrong, ever the showman, filmed his face-to-camera video outside the White House, a location that has seen its fair share of drama, after attending the illustrious White House Crypto Summit. There, he mingled with the crème de la crème of the crypto world, including the Winklevoss twins—who, let’s face it, could probably start a reality show of their own—and other luminaries like Michael Saylor and Kris Marszalek.

“We just left the digital asset summit at the White House. It was an incredible event and a really historic moment for our industry,” Armstrong gushed, likely still riding the high of mingling with the political elite.

“President Trump has breathed life back into the crypto industry,” he added, as if Trump were some sort of crypto messiah. 🙏

However, this hiring spree comes amidst a rather gloomy backdrop, as Coinbase’s stock price has taken a nosedive of 22.40% over the past month. On March 7, COIN’s price closed at $217.45, according to Google Finance data. It seems the crypto rollercoaster is still in full swing, with ups and downs that would make even the most seasoned thrill-seeker dizzy.

The decline in stock price coincides with Trump’s proposed tariffs on China, Canada, and Mexico, which, let’s be honest, sounds like a recipe for chaos. Who knew that the world of crypto could be so intertwined with international trade? 🤷‍♂️

Meanwhile, just two years ago, Coinbase was in a different predicament, laying off a similar number of staff during the infamous crypto winter. In January 2023, Armstrong announced the company would cut 950 jobs to trim operating costs by around 25%. Ah, the irony! It seems the crypto world is as fickle as a cat on a hot tin roof.

Armstrong, ever the optimist, emphasized at the time that Coinbase is “well capitalized” and that crypto “isn’t going anywhere.” But alas, the firm had to proceed with layoffs to maintain “appropriate operational efficiency.” One can only hope that the new hires will bring a touch of stability to this wild ride!

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2025-03-08 09:03