In those strange and restless years, when the distant thunder of digital gold echoed through the cold vestibules of global finance, Brian Armstrong, master of Coinbase, found himself peering into the abyss of possibility. He gazed upon his fortress of cash reserve with all the yearning of a Russian noble eyeing a gleaming samovar, and whispered to his council:
“Shall we take the trodden path of Saylor, the audacious lord who yoked his fate to Bitcoin? Shall we pour eighty percent of our coffers into this wild stallion, this Bitcoin, and let fate, vodka, and perhaps Twitter determine our destiny?” 🤔
But in the smoky candlelit gloom of backend offices, a strange sense of foreboding prevailed,
and it was Armstrong himself, in a rare moment of Dostoevskian self-doubt, who declared:
“There were definitely moments over the last 12 years where we thought, man, should we put 80% of our balance sheet into crypto – into Bitcoin, specifically.”
With a deep sigh and the wisdom of a Tolstoyan patriarch, he turned away from reckless abandon.
For even in Silicon Valley, startups can perish—not by the sword, but by the savage tide of market volatility and Silicon FOMO.
“We made a conscious choice about risk.” Such was the refrain, echoing with the regret of an aristocrat passing on a duel at dawn.⚔️
Alesia Haas, the financier with eyes sharp as a steppe falcon, concurred, her voice resonating through the corridors, lest Coinbase be mistaken for a greedy merchant hoarding rubles while his neighbors starved for Bitcoin.
So, the grand crypto hoard was not to be—no Scrooge McCoin moment (yet 😝). Nevertheless, the latest quarterly scribbling revealed $153 million spent on new digital assets, mostly drawn in by the gravitational might of Bitcoin. Now, Coinbase sits atop a treasure chest of approximately $1.3 billion in crypto coins—enough to sink a modest yacht, but not a whole fleet.
As Haas, with a sly wink that would do Tolstoy’s Prince Andrei proud, promised:
“Rest assured, we are not stopping there.”
The company, ever pragmatic, claims this trove is amassed not for idle pleasure but for regulatory capital, industry utility, and to prove—at least to its own shareholders—that it didn’t miss the boat entirely.
And as for the price of Bitcoin? It sits at $103,935—the kind of number that would make a Czar faint, a peasant dream, and perhaps cause Armstrong to double-check his wallet… and then refresh the page, just to be sure.
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2025-05-11 22:10