So, it turns out that behind every blockchain buzzword is a credit card eagerly flexing at Donald Trump’s inauguration fund. Newly unveiled Federal Election Commission filings reveal that some of the biggest names in cryptocurrency decided to swipe their wallets for the 2024 presidential send-off. Because nothing says “decentralized future” like centralized campaign contributions—amiright? 🤡
According to the docs dropped April 20 by the Trump-Vance Inaugural Committee (yes, that’s the official name and no, it’s not a bad cryptocurrency token), Uniswap’s own Hayden Adams just casually tossed in over $245,000. Solana Labs, ever the show-off, donated a cool $1 million. And Consensys, which probably thought this was some kind of gas fee, chipped in $100,000 in January 2025—because timing is everything, and why not celebrate early? Major players like Coinbase, Ripple, Kraken, Ondo Finance, and Robinhood rounded out the crypto crowd like a bizarre tech-themed cocktail party where the dress code is “Make America Chain Again.”
All told, this wallet showdown stacked up more than $239 million in donations from mid-November to April 20. And it wasn’t just crypto bros stuffing the jar. McDonald’s flicked in a million bucks (maybe to secure a spot for a Trump-branded Big Mac?), Apple CEO Tim Cook threw in another million (but probably wished he’d invested in Bitcoin instead), and OpenAI’s Sam Altman kept the AI gods happy with his contribution. Meanwhile, Delta Air Lines, ExxonMobil, FedEx, Nvidia, PayPal, Target, and Coca-Cola all joined the flashy donor relay, proving that if you want something done in America, you better bring a checkbook and a catchy slogan.
As if the story weren’t twisty enough, since Trump’s inauguration and the appointing of Mark Uyeda as acting SEC chair, the agency has suddenly developed a “see no crypto” stance. Investigations against firms that made these generous donations have evaporated faster than your uncle’s crypto gains. Uniswap’s SEC probe? Dropped. Consensys’ lawsuit? Case closed. It’s almost like money talks but this time it’s whispering sweet nothings into regulatory ears.
Stay tuned, folks. This saga is only just mining its first few blocks.
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2025-04-21 19:08