Crypto Chaos: Senate Dithers, Bitcoin Shivers, Coinbase Quivers! 😱💸

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Well, I say, old bean, it appears the Senate Banking Committee, chaired by the indefatigable Tim Scott, has decided to press the snooze button on the much-anticipated digital asset market legislation. What ho! Originally slated for today, the markup has been postponed, leaving the crypto world in a bit of a tizzy. 🕰️💤

“I’ve had a jolly good chinwag with the chaps and chapesses across the crypto industry, the financial sector, and my Democratic and Republican colleagues, and by Jove, everyone’s still at the table, playing nice,” Scott remarked with a tip of his hat. 🎩

“The aim, you see, is to lay down some spiffing rules that protect the dear old consumer, beef up our national security, and ensure the future of finance is as American as apple pie.” 🥧🇺🇸

Meanwhile, Senator Cynthia Lummis, ever the oracle, had already spilled the beans to Bloomberg on Wednesday, hinting that the markup for the CLARITY Act was likely to be delayed. No date was penciled in, but the whispers in the corridors suggest it’ll happen before the month’s out. 📅🤫

“I’ve had a good natter with the crypto bigwigs, the financial gurus, and my colleagues on both sides of the aisle, and everyone’s still in the game, playing fair,” Scott tweeted, presumably while sipping a spot of tea. 🍵

“As we take a brief breather before the markup, this market structure bill reflects months of… well, let’s call it spirited debate.” 🥊📜

– Senator Tim Scott (@SenatorTimScott) January 15, 2026

Coinbase Throws in the Towel

Now, the plot thickens, old sport. Many are pointing fingers at the banks, accusing them of meddling and pushing for changes that would cramp the style of stablecoin yields. This has ruffled quite a few feathers, particularly at Coinbase, which has dramatically withdrawn its support for the bill this week. 🚩💔

“After giving the Senate Banking draft a once-over, we at Coinbase regret to say we can’t back the bill as it stands,” declared Coinbase CEO Brian Armstrong, presumably with a pained expression. 😣

“Regulatory clarity that shrinks investor upside isn’t progress,” quipped the macroeconomics wizards at Milk Road, adding a dash of sarcasm to the mix. 🧙♂️📉

“Old Brian’s spot on about the hidden costs in this draft. Yes, it clarifies who’s regulating crypto, but it does so by banning stablecoin yield, narrowing tokenized asset pathways, and turning DeFi into a surveillance state. Jolly good show, that.” 🤦♂️🔍

“We’re still in the game and ready for a fair debate. I’m keeping my chin up that we can iron out the kinks during the markup,” chimed in Ripple CEO Brad Garlinghouse, ever the optimist. 🌞🤝

Bitcoin Takes a Tumble

In the midst of all this hullabaloo, Bitcoin, which had been strutting its stuff at a two-month high of $97,700 on Thursday, took a bit of a tumble as the news of the delay broke. By the time the ink was dry, it had slid to $96,500, though it was still up a smidge on the day and a respectable 5.5% on the week. 📉💹

So there you have it, old chap. The crypto world’s in a bit of a pickle, but as they say, it’s never dull in the land of digital dosh. Stay tuned for the next thrilling installment! 🎢🤑

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2026-01-15 09:44