So, a THORChain developer, who goes by the charmingly cosmic name “Pluto” (because why not?), has decided to take his ball and go home after a vote to block transactions linked to North Korean hackers was, in a plot twist worthy of a soap opera, reversed. I mean, who knew crypto could be so dramatic? 🎭
In a heartfelt post on X, Pluto declared, “Effective immediately, I will no longer be contributing to THORChain.” It’s like he’s announcing his retirement from the circus after the elephants got loose. 🐘
But fear not! Pluto assures us he’ll be around “as long as I am needed” — which sounds suspiciously like a breakup line. “I’ll always be here for you, just not in a relationship.”
Meanwhile, another validator, “TCB” (which I assume stands for “Totally Confused Blockchain”), threatened to exit stage left if they don’t find a way to stop the North Korean money flows. Because nothing says “I’m serious” like a dramatic exit threat on social media. 💔
Now, let’s talk about the Lazarus Group, who apparently has taken a liking to THORChain, using it to launder some of the $1.5 billion they swiped from Bybit. Lookonchain reported that they’ve funneled a cool $605 million worth of ETH through THORChain. I guess they really are the “Lazarus” of the crypto world — always rising from the dead with someone else’s money. 💸
In a shocking twist, THORChain’s volumes skyrocketed, processing nearly $860 million in swaps on Feb. 26. It’s like the crypto equivalent of a Black Friday sale, but instead of TVs, it’s just a bunch of stolen money changing hands. 🛒
Meanwhile, the FBI has jumped into the fray, urging crypto validators and exchanges to cut ties with the Lazarus Group. Because when your money is coming from North Korea, it’s not just a bad day at the office; it’s a national security issue. TCB put it bluntly: “When the huge majority of your flows are stolen funds from North Korea for the biggest money heist in human history, it will become a national security issue.” Thanks for the reminder, TCB! 🙄
THORChain’s founder, John-Paul Thorbjornsen (who, let’s be honest, sounds like he should be running a bakery), claims he has no involvement with THORChain but insists that none of the sanctioned wallet addresses have ever interacted with the protocol. “The actor is simply moving funds faster than any screening service can catch,” he said, which is a fancy way of saying, “Not my circus, not my monkeys.” 🐒
In a series of posts, Thorbjornsen reassured everyone that THORChain doesn’t launder money. Instead, he claims that Lazarus Group’s ETH to BTC swaps typically end up at centralized exchanges, where they’re swapped for fiat. Because nothing says “legitimate business” like laundering money through a centralized exchange. 🙃
He also mentioned that THORChain nodes can be churned out if they don’t follow the rules, which sounds like a fancy way of saying, “If you don’t play nice, you’re out!”
TCB, in their dramatic exit post, lamented that THORChain is “not decentralized enough to survive a regulatory attack.” They added that it’s not like Bitcoin, which has a larger validator base. It’s like comparing a small-town diner to a bustling city restaurant — one is charming, and the other is just trying to survive the health inspector. 🍽️
In conclusion, TCB pointed out that “a handful of actors” are running the show, and they’re all already censoring transactions on their front ends. So, if you thought you were getting into a decentralized utopia, surprise! It’s more like a high school cafeteria where the popular kids control the lunch line. 🍕
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2025-02-28 10:00