Crypto Exec vs IRS: A Cluster of Court Drama! 🤦‍♀️

You know your week isn’t going great when the IRS comes knocking with legal summons. Well, unless you’re Rowland Marcus Andrade, crypto founder extraordinaire, in which case… meh, it’s a Tuesday. 🤑

Our dear friends at the US Internal Revenue Service (aka Professional Joy Stealers™️) have kindly requested that an appeals court toss Andrade’s attempt to quash their summonses. Yes, not just dismiss—*toss*. Why? Because apparently, “you didn’t RSVP properly” is still a valid excuse in 2024. 😏

In a riveting legal brief from February 10 (filed with all the drama and flair of a paperback crime novel), the IRS and DOJ argued that the court lacks the jurisdiction to hear Andrade’s complaints. Translation: “Sorry, Rowland, but we’re busy and your case doesn’t even count.” 📜🤷‍♀️

This all started back in 2021—when we were baking sourdough and Andrade was (allegedly) ignoring the delicate art of financial compliance. 🥖💰 Fast forward to 2023, and the IRS hit Bank of America and JPMorgan Chase with summonses seeking Andrade’s financial records. But wait, there’s more! Andrade cried foul, claiming he wasn’t properly notified. Oh, the horror. 📩🙈

After the IRS sequestered its original summonses (fancy term for “oops, let’s redo this”), they resent them to his business address—only for the letters to come back marked “undeliverable.” Honestly, who’s running this case, the IRS or a sympathetic raccoon? 🦝📬

Fast forward to 2024: Andrade dusted off his lawyer’s cape and filed a motion in Texas to quash the summonses. The district court, however, hit him back with a hard “nope” in May, ruling that the IRS followed all their RFPA requirements. Cue the sad trombone noise. 🎺😢

Undeterred, like a hero in a B-list action movie, Andrade appealed to the Fifth Circuit in August, asking for a legal “pause button” to keep the IRS out of his bank records while the drama unfolds. By the way, anybody else wondering if this Fifth Circuit is regretting its career choices at this point? 🙄🎭

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And so, the case trudges on in the Fifth Circuit. Will Andrade’s appeal survive, or will it meet the same fate as Blockbuster did in the age of Netflix? 📽️🍿 Stay tuned, folks.

Oh, and in case you forgot: Andrade also faced 2020 SEC charges for an unregistered securities offering tied to AML Bitcoin. The claim? It was an “improved version” of Bitcoin. Spoiler: It wasn’t. 🙃 Not even close, buddy.

2025-02-12 08:40

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