Crypto? More Like Cry-pto 😂

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Okay, folks, let’s talk crypto. Because honestly, who doesn’t need more stress? This week was…a tale of two coins. On one hand, we have XRP, desperately clinging to a dream of $3.60 like it’s the last life raft in the ocean. It’s doing that thing with Bollinger Bands – you know, the complicated chart stuff that makes people pretend they understand finance. It’s basically avoiding a total faceplant, which, in crypto, is a win. 🎉

Then there’s Midnight (NIGHT), suddenly the “new Cardano.” Cue the eye rolls, because every new coin is the “new Cardano” until it inevitably isn’t. But hey, it jumped 40%! Which, let’s be real, means absolutely nothing except that someone, somewhere, made a lot of money and someone else is now frantically Googling “what is a Midnight?” 🤷‍♀️

TL;DR

  • XRP is still hoping for $3.60. Bless its heart.
  • Midnight’s having a moment. Don’t spend your rent money.
  • Vitalik Buterin is apparently selling everything. Because even geniuses need cash.

XRP to $3.6 is still main scenario, Bollinger Bands insist

So, XRP. The monthly chart…apparently…is doing something good. It’s not collapsing, which is progress. It bounced off a line, which is…also good? The numbers are numbers and the lines are lines. Important lines, apparently. The point is, if it stays above this magic line, the dream stays alive. And by “dream” I mean “a speculative price target based on squiggly lines.”

Look, I’m not saying it’ll hit $3.60. I’m just saying the chart hasn’t ruled it out. Which is a very subtle, very crypto-specific level of optimism. It’s like saying “Well, at least it’s not actively plummeting.” 🎉

“New Cardano” Midnight (NIGHT) up 40% in just a week

Midnight…the “new Cardano.” Right. It went up. A lot. It’s definitely organized, unlike my sock drawer. It’s just…going up . For now. That’s what charts do, isn’t it? They go up, or they go down. Thrilling. 🙄 If it breaks $0.1, it’s good. If it doesn’t… well, then it’s not. Simple math!

Apparently, it’s got something to do with “privacy” and “zero-knowledge.” Which sounds impressive, but mostly makes me think of spy movies and really complicated passwords. If privacy is what you’re after, maybe just…don’t tell people your business? Just a thought.

Vitalik Buterin sells crypto into crypto winter

Okay, and now the really juicy part. Vitalik Buterin, the guy who built Ethereum, is selling off his other coins. Like, a lot of them. And then he’s hiding the cash in different places. Look, I’m not accusing anyone of anything, but I’m also not surprised. It’s called being prepared. It’s what you do with your 401k, except with more digital tokens and fewer meetings.

It’s a classic “crypto winter is coming” move. And look, even the smartest people in crypto are secretly bracing for things to get… less fun. It’s a good reminder: don’t invest more than you’re willing to lose. Or, you know, just buy a nice sweater instead.

So, to recap: XRP is hanging in there, Midnight is having a moment, and Vitalik is hedging his bets. It’s a crypto world, after all. And frankly, it’s exhausting. 😴

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2025-12-21 16:47