Crypto-pocalypse Now?! 😱

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Right, so, a week. Not just any week, mind you. A turbulent week. One of those weeks where global stock and commodity markets are already doing the funky chicken because of, you guessed it, Donald Trump’s trade war. Honestly, you’d think someone would have hidden the trade war by now. Maybe under a very large rug? 🤔

The crypto market? Oh, it’s not happy. Sentiment is so deep in bearish territory, you’d need a submarine to find it. And with the US March inflation data about to drop like a lead balloon, things could get even more…interesting. As in, “Oh dear, is that the apocalypse I hear?” 😟

And just to keep things lively, President Trump’s tariff policies are due to kick in on Wednesday, followed by China’s equally grumpy retaliatory measures on Thursday. It’s like a badly choreographed dance-off, but with economies. 🕺

Economic Events April 7 to 11 (Hold Onto Your Hats!)

1. “Reciprocal Tariff” Responses Likely Begin – Monday (Mayhem!)

2. Fed Meeting Minutes – Wednesday (Suits Talking!)

3. March CPI Inflation data – Thursday (Numbers!)

4. Initial Jobless Claims data – Thursday (More Numbers!)

5. March PPI Inflation data – Friday (Even MORE Numbers!)

6. Michigan Consumer Sentiment data – Friday (How Do We Feel About All These Numbers?)…

— The Kobeissi Letter (@KobeissiLetter) April 6, 2025

Friday, oh joy, brings us the Producer Price Index (PPI) report. This highlights wholesale price trends, which, in theory, eventually affect consumer prices. And if that wasn’t enough, we also get preliminary consumer sentiment data, which includes consumer price expectations. In other words, we get to find out if people are expecting to be even more broke in the future. 🎉

If global tariff tensions escalate or economic data decides to have a nervous breakdown, the selling pressure will likely continue throughout the week. So, you know, maybe invest in popcorn? 🍿

It’s also a big week for bank first-quarter earnings, with JPMorgan Chase, Wells Fargo, Bank of New York Mellon, Morgan Stanley, and BlackRock all lining up to tell us how they did. Which probably involves yachts. 🛥️

Crypto Markets Bleed (Red Alert!)

The crypto markets have apparently decided to emulate a particularly messy tomato. One of the largest daily declines of the year, with a 9% slump in total capitalization. Around $250 billion has vanished into thin air in less than 24 hours, resulting in a fall to $2.5 trillion in total cap. It’s like someone hit the “eject” button on the economy. 🚀

Bitcoin fell 8% to just over $74,000 in its largest dump since March 11. Momentum remains bearish, which is just a fancy way of saying “things are probably going to get worse.” Further losses are more likely than gains in the current economic outlook. So, maybe don’t check your portfolio. Just saying. 🙈

Ethereum is currently hanging out at bear market lows, having plummeted a whopping 18% to $1,450, its lowest level since October 2023. It’s not looking good, folks. Not good at all. 😢

The altcoins are a sea of red this morning, with double-digit losses for XRP, Solana, Dogecoin, Cardano, Chainlink, and Stellar as the crypto exodus continues. It’s like the crypto version of the Donner Party, but with less cannibalism. (Probably.) 💀

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2025-04-07 12:35