Crypto VC Funding: $500M for Tempo, $100M for SMALL – Because Why Not?

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Dearest reader, the week of October 12-18, 2025, has been a masterclass in financial absurdity. With a grand total of $1.059 billion splashed across 22 crypto projects, one might assume the world has finally embraced chaos as a currency. Lead the charge, of course, is Tempo, a Layer 1 blockchain whose $500 million Series A round now values it at $5 billion. A triumph of optimism over logic, if ever there was one.

  • Tempo’s $500M Series A: A fully diluted valuation of $5 billion? One must admire the audacity.
  • Kraken acquires SMALL Exchange for $100M: A 🤡-sized deal to offer “regulated crypto derivatives onshore.” Because nothing says “trust” like regulators and accountants in the same room.
  • Total funding: $1.06B across 22 projects. A mere drop in the ocean of madness.

Payment infrastructure and trading platforms, the twin pillars of crypto’s latest binge, dominated VC wallets. Here’s a curated list of this week’s most delightful financial acrobatics.

Tempo

  • Tempo, a “payments-first” Layer 1 blockchain, raised $500M in Series A. A 💸-fest for a project that promises to outdo Bitcoin with slightly more flair.
  • Backers include Grey Wolf, Thrive Capital, and Sequoia. Because nothing says “reliability” like venture capital.

SMALL Exchange

  • Kraken’s $100M acquisition of SMALL Exchange: A 💸-laden nod to the importance of “regulated crypto derivatives onshore.”
  • Previous acquisitions include NinjaTrader and Crypto Facilities. A 🏰 of crypto credentials, if you will.

Daylight Energy

  • Raised $75M in an “Unknown” round. A 🌟 of ambiguity.
  • Investors: Framework, Turtle Hill Capital, AI6Z. A who’s who of energy-tech optimism.
  • Daylight Energy’s lofty goal: “Power the world’s most important commodity: electricity.” 🚀 (Spoiler: It’s still just wires.)

We’ve raised $75M to build the decentralized energy grid that will deliver “affordability, reliability, and abundant power.” Because why trust the old grid when we can trust a blockchain?

– Daylight (@daylightenergy_) October 16, 2025

Jito

  • ai16z invested $50M in Jito, a liquid Solana staking protocol. Because staking your crypto while it’s “liquid” is the pinnacle of financial innovation.

Better Payment Network (BPN)

  • Raised $50M in Seed round. A blockchain-native cross-border payments protocol. Because international transfers need more emojis. 🌍💸

Projects under $50 million

  • Telcoin: $25M Series A. A 🤑-friendly step toward crypto ubiquity.
  • Tria: $12M Pre-seed. A prelude to greatness, or a prelude to bankruptcy?
  • Inference: $11.8M Seed. Because AI needs funding too. 🤖💸
  • TAO Synergies Inc.: $11M. Ex-Synaptogenix. A name change and a dream.
  • DSRV: $9.57M Series B. A rounding error in the grand scheme of things.
  • Crown (BRL): $8.1M Seed. A cryptocurrency for the Brazilian real. Because why not?
  • Orochi Network: $8M. A 🐍-themed blockchain, presumably.
  • 4AI: $6M Strategic round. AI meets crypto. A 💀 match made in venture hell.
  • Temple: $5M Seed. A place for crypto and spirituality. Or delusion. Your call.
  • Ryder: $3.2M Seed. A name that sounds like a dog. 🐶
  • Voyage: $3M Pre-seed. A journey into the unknown.
  • CryptoMesh: $2.5M Series A. A mesh network for crypto. Because Wi-Fi is so last decade.
  • 375ai: $2M Public sale with $75M valuation. A 🚀 of hubris.
  • Octra: $2M Public sale. A crypto doppelgänger for OctaFX, perhaps?
  • Dare Market: $2M. A market for daring ideas. Or dares.
  • Legend Trade: $1.5M Pre-seed. A legend in the making.
  • Seer: $300K Private round. A prophet with a tiny wallet. 🧙

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2025-10-18 22:42