Well, folks, hold onto your wallets! Our favorite cost-cutting czar, Elon Musk, has just dropped a bombshell! 💣 He claims to have unearthed a whopping 14 “magic money computers” lurking in the federal government, capable of conjuring cash from thin air! 🪄💵
These mystical machines, according to Musk, are hiding out in various federal departments like the Treasury, Defense, and Health and Human Services. They can whip up payments faster than you can say “Where’s my tax refund?”
“You might think the government computers are all chummy, chatting away, keeping track of funds like a well-oiled machine,” Musk quipped on Senator Ted Cruz’s podcast Verdict with Ted Cruz. “But let me tell you, they’re about as synchronized as a three-legged race!” 🏃♂️🏃♀️
“An absolute bombshell from @elonmusk on the latest episode of Verdict.
He reveals there are 14 magic money computers in the federal government that send money out of nothing.
Don’t miss the latest episode of Verdict wherever you get your podcasts. Subscribe now!…”
— Ted Cruz (@tedcruz) March 17, 2025
But wait, there’s more! Musk insists that while the government isn’t entirely off the mark, they’re probably just a smidge wrong—like 5% or 10%. “I call it ‘magic money computer’—any computer that can make money out of thin air. That’s magic money!” 🎩✨
Meanwhile, Jameson Lopp, the chief security officer at Bitcoin (BTC) custody company Casa, chimed in with a classic line: “Bitcoin fixes this.” Because, of course, when in doubt, blame the cryptocurrency! 💻💰
And if you thought that was wild, Musk’s latest DOGE escapades have revealed that US government departments have more media subscriptions, software licenses, and credit cards than actual employees! Talk about a party! 🎉
But don’t worry, Musk believes that 80% of this is just good ol’ waste and incompetence, not some grand conspiracy. “We saw a lot of payments going out of Treasury with no payment code and no explanation. It’s like a surprise party, but nobody’s invited!” 🎈
“Then we find out that a contract was supposed to be canceled, but someone forgot to hit the ‘off’ switch, and the company just keeps raking in the dough. Is that waste or fraud? Who knows! It’s like a game show!” 🎤
And let’s not forget, Musk’s other ventures are taking a hit thanks to his DOGE antics. Tesla facilities are being vandalized as part of a “Take down Tesla” movement protesting DOGE’s cost-cutting measures. Because nothing says “I love my car” like spray-painting it! 🚗💥
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2025-03-18 07:32